Forever
by ImagineRie
Summary: When Eli and Clare's relationship is tested by distance Drew Torres can't help but intervene. When heartbreak, tragedy, and a pregnancy are thrown at Clare and Eli, will they be able to survive?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my very first story, and I'm going to do my absolute best to make it amazing. Good or bad I'd love to hear what you guys think about the story! I love Degrassi but I don't own it at all. Sadly. :/ Anyways Let me know what you guys think!**

**Clare's POV**

I never really understood what love was when I was was growing up. I had two parents who claimed to love eachother but they never hugged or kissed, in fact they didn't even sleep in the same room. It wasn't until I met Eli Goldsworthy that I knew what true unconditional love was. The kind of love that trumped even my faith. I gave Eli everything, and he did the same in return. Through my parents divorce, and my cancer Eli was always by my side. He stole my heart, and then he broke it. I knew when he moved to New York for school that things would change, I was never worried though. It wasn't as if we hadn't been through hell and back, what was distance? Then when the calls stopped, and the messages were read but the responses were few to none I knew what distance was. Distance was a bitch. Eli cheated on me with his roommate, and it hurt worse than any pain cancer had caused me. I knew cancer was evil, and I expected it to hurt me but I never expected that the one true great love of my life would. I forgave him for kissing someone else, but in truth it made everything so much harder. When he didn't speak to me I would freak out more than before, and I couldn't take it. So here I am at Miles Hollingsworth's party being the opposite of Clare Edwards and chugging a bottle of Fire Ball.

"Clare! You need to stop, what do you think this is going to solve? You're acting like a drunk and you're dressed like a common prostitute."

"Go to hell Drew, what I do isn't any of your business."

"Yes it is, I cant watch you act like this all because Eli isn't what you thought."

"Don't talk about him like you know him or anything we've been through Drew."

"I may not know every tiny detail of yall's "Epic love story" but I know you Clare and I know Eli must have done something bad for you to be acting like this, please just let me take you home."

As drew pleaded to take me home all I could do was miss Eli, I was acting out when what I should be doing is trying to fix things with him. I knew Drew loved me but he'd never be him, but right now he was here and Eli wasn't. "Ok Drew, take me home." As Drew started walking me out all the loud music started to fade and my legs started to shake. I grabbed on to his arm for support and then everything went black.

**Drew's POV**

Clare was so drunk, and I hated seeing her like that. I hated Eli for making her this way. I'd never do this to her, and I regretted not stealing her away when I had the chance. I was walking her out of the party when she passed out in the grass, I picked her up into my arms and i started carrying her to my truck when there he was, dressed in black head to toe.

"What the hell Drew, what the fuck are you doing with my girlfriend?"

I set Clare in the backseat of my truck and I prepared for a fight. "I'm doing what you've been unable to do, taking care of her."

"You call dragging her drunk out of a party taking care of her? I would have never let her get like this, you don't know the first thing about taking care of her. From now on leave that to me Drew."

"You've got to be kidding me, you're the entire reason Clare is like this Eli! You don't know the first thing about what your absence and infidelity has done to her! I've been the one watching out for her and protecting her, while you've been hovering over your roommate in New York."

"I never slept with anyone else, and I made it clear to Clare that it was a one time kiss that was all."

"I don't buy your bullshit Eli." I knew he meant it when he said that it was a one time thing and i knew he loved her, but so did I. I wasn't going to let her go without a fight. I had to let him know that she wasn't going to slip through my fingers that easy, not this time. "Eli I love her. I'm going to do everything in my power to win her over."

**Eli's POV**

Was he kidding? Drew Torres just came out of a party with my drunk girlfriend declaring his idiotic meat head love for her. To him I may be a film loving geek who got bullied by Fitz but when it came to Clare I was something so much greater than that. I was invincible with her, I was brave and strong. He had no idea what going against me for her would be like. Our love was one of those great loves, greater than any book ever written or story ever told. "Everything in your power wont be enough, and I'm sorry you think that you have a chance but that just shows how much you really know about us Drew. Clare and i always find our way back to each other, and we always will. You can fight for her all you want but no matter how hard you fight i will fight ten times harder."

"I guess we will see then Eli, may the best man win?"

Drew had his hand out for me to shake, and I wanted to take that moment to punch him in the face but I needed to get Clare. I walked passed him and I picked her up into my arms. Ignoring his protests I took her to my car, and I set her down in the passengers seat next to me. I started crying because I knew i was partly responsible for her being like this, I had failed her so much in the last year and I believed in us so much but Drew's words scared me, maybe i was delusional and I had ruined everything.

**Clare's POV**

I woke up In Eli's bed and the smell of his cologne hit me hard, I smiled. Then I realized that I was in Eli's room and not at the party anymore. Where was Drew? How did I get here? Eli walked in and sat at his desk without saying a word he started typing on his computer. "Eli what's going on, why aren't you in New York?"

"You'd much rather me be there wouldn't you Clare? Did I ruin your little adventure with Drew Last night, I can call him if you would like."

"Eli what are you talking about, you seriously haven't spoken to me in weeks and this is how you're going to treat me?" The tears began to flow and I was sobbing into his pillow. I felt his arms wrap around me and even though I was angry with him I began to relax and everything started to feel better.

"Baby I'm sorry, I was just upset to see Drew Holding you in his arms, to think that he was about to take you home makes me crazy.."

"Eli I don't know what you're talking about."

"Clare you were wasted last night, I came home to surprise you and when I pulled up to your house I was getting all these texts to check my snap chat and there you were chugging a bottle of fire ball. I sped to go get you and when I showed up Drew was putting you in his truck. He confessed his love for you to me, and he made it clear he was going to win you over this time."

"That's ridiculous Eli." I saw the hurt and his eyes and I wanted nothing more than to take it all away. "Eli Goldsworthy I can not believe that you even for a second think that Drew Torres stands a chance against you. I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone in this entire world. I want you forever and always through the good and bad, and the ugly. When I'm about to die, and I roll over in my bed for the last time I want to look at your face before it's all over. Not Drew's, or anyone else's. After all we've been through I cant believe you don't know that. I should be the one wondering where we stand, you don't respond to me anymore and you found comfort with someone else other than me."

"Clare it was one kiss, one time and I know I haven't made the time for you I should have been making but I came here to tell you that I'm going to fix that. I love you. Only You."

I was crying again but my tears were happy ones. I stood up and i walked to the door, Eli followed.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"Does it matter, boyfriend?" He stared at me with the most intense eyes and I felt my knees start to shake and my heart start to beat.

"Twist my rubber arm then, Girlfriend." I was completely his.


	2. Chapter 2

**I want to thank you guy's for the feedback it's all very appreciated. Thank you so much and keep it coming(:**

**Clare's POV**

Eli had to go back to New York after an amazing two weeks we spent together, but I was accepting of it. I felt like everything was falling back in place. I didn't think anything could stop us, we were on a roller coaster that only went up. After graduation in two weeks I'd be on the next flight to New York to be with Eli. I was excited that everything we ever wanted was coming true.

"Clare can you please get out of the restroom I'm going to miss my flight, Eli shouted."

I couldn't get my head out of the toilet. Every time I picked my head up it would fall back down automatically and the throw up wouldn't stop. I was sure I had the flu, but I didn't want to miss saying goodbye to Eli so I pulled myself up and forced myself to walk out of the bathroom. "I'm sorry Eli I think I'm just coming down with something, let's go."

"Clare you're sweating like crazy and you're white as a ghost you need to stay here there's no way I'm letting you leave here like this."

"I'll be fine, I'm not going to miss saying goodbye to you, I refuse." I was talking a big game but in truth I felt like I was dying, I thought I would pass out at any moment if I didn't sit down. "Just let me sit down for a sec and we can go." I sat down for about five minutes and I finally felt some relief. "OK let's go Eli."

**Eli's POV**

Clare looked sick as a dog but I selfishly was letting her accompany me to the airport. I needed to say goodbye before I got on that plane, I had to look in her eyes and see that these last two weeks were real, and that when I left Drew wouldn't be a problem. As much as she loved me I knew somewhere inside of her she really cared about him. Sometimes I was even scared she loved him, not the same way she loved me but in a different way. A safe way. When I wasn't around I knew he was her rock, and I hated it.

"Clare when you get back into town can you promise me you'll go see a doctor. I know you hate it there and that talking about your cancer isn't your favorite subject but you have to be more careful than others do."

"I don't want to live my life in fear every time I get sick, but for your sake I will go to the stupid doctors office."

"Thank You Edwards." Clare and I arrived at the airport and after sitting there for an hour they finally called my flight number. I looked over to her and I saw a tear roll down her cheek, my heart sank. "Clare please don't cry, I already can't handle this as it is. Seeing those blue eyes in pain is enough to make me never go back."

"Then please stay, she sobbed."

"Clare you know I can't do that, my break is over."

"I know and I'm sorry it's just I have this gut feeling that something is off, and you going is just making it worse."

"You're worried about your cancer, aren't you?"

"No it's not that, Eli."

"Tell me this doesn't have to do with the meat head"

"No stop worrying, it's just a bad feeling I'm sure it's just my stomach bug though. They just called last call for flight C, you better get going."

I pulled Clare into my chest and I took in her smell one last time before kissing her on the forehead. "Goodbye blue eyes, Ill see you in two weeks. I Love you and don't let that meat head bother you, because I know he will try."

"Don't worry about Drew, and I love you too."

As I boarded my flight I couldn't stop thinking about what Clare had said about her bad feeling, It was eating me alive thinking about something bad happening to her.

**Clare's POV**

It took everything in me to not throw up all over Eli when he kissed me goodbye to board his flight, and even though I acted as if I wasn't scared about my cancer coming back I was terrified that it had. The room was spinning and I didn't have Eli to drive me to the hospital. I knew I couldn't drive myself, and since Alli wasn't picking up I knew I only had one friend who could help me, Drew. I knew I shouldn't call him, especially when Eli was worried about him already, but I had no choice.

"Drew, I need your help I don't feel too good."

"Clare what's wrong? Stop breathing so heavy I cant understand you."

"I'm at the airport I think I'm sick again please come get me, I don't want to cause a scene by calling an ambulance."

"Just hold on tight I'll be right there."

Drew showed up within 15 minutes and I saw the worry on his face, it made me feel bad for calling him but I was out of options. While he was driving way over the speed limit, Drew began asking questions like when I started feeling bad and for how long. When I explained to him that it was hours ago he became angry with me.

"Really Clare? You were that sick yet you came here just to say bye to HIM? Your relationship is ridiculous, and quite frankly unhealthy for you. I should catch the next flight to New York and kick his ass for letting you get like this."

"Drew Eli doesn't know how bad I'm feeling. It comes and goes, and the dizziness didn't start until after he left. Eli would never do anything to hurt me, if you're going to act this way I'll walk to the hospital because you're making everything worse."

"I don't mean to make it worse but it just makes me so mad because you know damn well and good that I would of said screw the flight and taken you myself if I was Eli. He's selfish and does nothing for you, but put you in bad situations. I wouldn't do that, not ever."

"Just like when you broke me out of the hospital and took me to Degrassi where I got coughed on by sick kids when I had Cancer? No one is perfect Drew not even you, so please give him a break."

"We're here Clare."

Drew and I walked in silence to the entrance of the emergency room, I felt bad for our argument. The nurse's eyes got wide when she saw how pale and sweaty I was. She quickly took me to the back and they took many blood samples. She gave me strict instructions to go home and rest. I felt like this was a repeat of before, my whole life was about to change again and I knew it. I was positive my cancer had returned.

"Ms. Edwards we will call you in the morning with results don't worry too much now dear."

"Thank you, I'll try not too."

"You just make just that handsome boyfriend of yours let's you get some rest"

I laughed at the smile that came on Drew's face when she said that, and I didn't have the heart correct her so I nodded and smiled. They gave me some medicine to help me sleep through the night and it worked pretty well. I woke up feeling refreshed, and my energy level was higher than it had been in a long time. Drew refused to leave after he drove me home from the emergency room, so he slept in front of my house in his truck. I admired the dedication.

"Drew, wake up."

"Did they call? Are you ok? What's going on?"

"They haven't called yet Drew, calm down. My mom made breakfast. Would you like some?"

"I don't think I could eat, I'm so nervous Clare."

Just as he said that my phone began to ring. I stared at for a few seconds afraid to answer. This phone call could change everything, or at the least make me look like an idiot for overreacting. I had to just answer. I had to.

"Hello, yes this is Ms. Edwards."

"Yes, your results came in and we'd like to inform you that you're 7 weeks pregnant. We understand the news may be a shock so whenever you are ready to schedule a follow up appointment you can call us back at this number. Until then stay off your feet as much as possible, you have severe morning sickness."

I hung up on the nurse without saying a word and I sat on the sidewalk. I felt like I was going to going to puke, again. I knew it wasn't the flu, I knew something was wrong but I never for even a second thought it would be this. Everything Eli and I had planed would have to be put on hold. My journalism career and his film making one. There was no way he would react well to this. Drew was on his knees by my side shaking my shoulders begging me to tell him what the nurse had said. I was looking at him in the eyes but no words would come out. I didn't want Drew to know before Eli, but I also couldn't let him wonder if I was going to die or not, so I just said it.

"I'm pregnant Drew."

"You're what?"

"Eli and I are going to have a baby. I didn't think this was a possibility they told me how slim my chances were to have a child after my cancer."

"You're going to keep it?"

"Of course I am Drew, this is my baby. My baby with Eli. I know I'm young and this is going to make everything so much more difficult but I want this more than I ever thought I would."

"Clare Edwards, I love you. I don't want you for a second to think that child changes the way I feel about you. Him or her is apart of you I could never hate it, but I think it's time I step away. If you and your new family are ever going to have a chance to be truly happy I cant be involved. I love you enough to walk away."

The tears were falling from my eyes because I knew this was goodbye, a part of me loved Drew but I'd never love him like I love Eli Goldsworthy and anyone who saw the way I looked at him knew that. I Was about to lose my best friend.

"I love you too Drew, goodbye."

I kissed him on the cheek and I walked away.

**Eli's POV**

I had called Clare about a million times with no answer and I was freaking out. I finally fell asleep at four in the morning when the ring tone to mine and Clare's song "Tonight I Love You" by The Latency started to go off. I shot up immediately and pressed answer.

"Clare are you ok? I have been trying to get ahold of you all damn day. What did the doctors office say?"

"Eli."

"Clare?"

"Eli."

"What the hell Clare spit it out."

"I'm pregnant."

"Is this a Joke, if you're joking it's not funny."

"I knew you'd be upset, I knew it! It took all day for me to gain the courage to call you and tell you and this is why. I understand if you want to bail, I wont force you to stay."

"Clare no, it's just I signed us up for a whole two months of couple massages and they don't give out refunds. Now that We're not going to be living in New York those appointment are going to go to waste. Maybe that's the wrong thing to be worrying about...I'm sorry. I am beyond happy that you and I are going to be bringing a beautiful baby into this world. The doctors said this may not even have ever been a possibility. This is a blessing. I'm not very religious or spiritual, but I know we only have one life, and as crazy as it sounds for me to be saying this the timing and the moment seem so right for this to be happening. I love you Clare Edwards, I'm coming home."

**So obviously there is going to be a baby. I'm going to skip a bit into the future with this story, so there will only be flashbacks of the pregnancy. I'd love suggestions for names. Until next time :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello All :) I hope you're having a great day! I appreciate all of the sweet messages you guy's have sent me. It's motivation for me to continue with the story! I don't own Degrassi, Obvi. Well, enjoy!**

**Clare's POV**

"Clare, is it true? Have you really gone and got yourself knocked up by Eli?"

"It's true Darcy, it's true."

"Clare how many times did I tell you how proud I was of you for not making the same mistakes I did? You were so proud of your decision to wait until marriage, what happened? I could not believe dad when he told me, I just couldn't. I didn't dare call mom either because Lord knows you haven't told her yet, she'd be blowing my phone up if you had. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

I was sitting in my room at my dads where I was escaping the wrath of my mother, and listening to the disappointment in my older sisters voice. This was all because I "saint Clare" was knocked up before even receiving my high school diploma. As I stared out my open window watching the children in the neighborhood playing I couldn't control the tear that trickle down my cheek, and the doubt that filled my mind. That's when I felt it. It was a gust of wind to most, but to me it was Adam. Even though he was gone he was still somehow telling me not to doubt myself, and kicking my ass into realizing I could do this. I would.

"Darcy stop. I know You're upset your baby sister is having a baby of her own but this baby** is **coming weather you like it or not. I am going to be an amazing mom I need you to support me in this, please."

"Oh yes, you and your "rock solid" relationship that's exactly the recipe for a happy environment for a child to grow up in. Listen Clare I love you so much but you don't know what you've gotten yourself into, I cant support this."

I was gripping my window seal so hard to keep from screaming at her, I knew that would only make things worse. "I love Eli Darcy, I always have. When my hair was falling out and I was sick from the chemo Eli was right by my side the whole time. I know in your heart youre doing the right thing by telling me this a mistake but if we're being honest here you haven't been around to make that judgment. I sure as hell didn't see you holding my hair back when I was puking up everything I ate." After I said that I hung up, I couldn't hear another word out of her mouth. I got off my red silk bed and I walked to the kitchen to see my mother and father holding each other and crying at the kitchen table. I hadn't seen them hold each other in my whole life. When my dad finally noticed my presence it was too late for him to hide his sad expression.

"So you told her I see."

"Clare sweetheart she's your mother I had to."

My mother walked towards me without hesitation and hugged me. "Clare Edwards I am your mom. How could you keep this from me? I am sad this is the path you and Eli have to go down, it's going to be so hard sweetie. But you must know I'd never abandon you, not ever. Don't you Know that?"

" Mom you don't know what that means to me, I'm so sorry I was afraid to disappoint you I've already disappointed Darcy."

"Clare Darcy is Darcy no one can control that, but you can control how you handle this from here on out. Do not be ashamed, all children are children of God, not one is a mistake you hear me?"

"Yes mom. Dad, you and mom are my parents and I'm sorry I have made you sad or worried but I promise I will do my best to love this child as much as you two have loved me my whole life." I let go of my mom, and I turned around back to my room to pack up my old life and begin my new one.

**Eli's POV**

I was going to have a baby, a little boy or girl. When Clare broke the news my first thought was that my life was over, I had to hide it from Clare with a lame excuse about massage appointments. It wasn't until the flight back to Canada that It all sank in that I was going to be a dad, that I realized this was an amazing thing because this wasn't my baby, it was ours. Mine and Clare's. Clare was waiting for me at her dads, she needed me. When the plane landed in Toronto I caught the first cab I saw to her house. When I arrived I paid the cab driver, walked up the front steps and I stopped. I could see Clare talking to her parents, It looked intense. I didn't want to take their moment away, I had already taken their little girl. I turned around and I walked to the side of the house and I climbed through Clare's window, I'd have to remind her not to leave windows open for strangers to freely walk in. I remembered when her parents divorced I would sneak through this window every night and hold her while she cried. Those nights are what made me love her, because they were never about sex they were pure and innocent nights that I got to know her, and not her body. I was bummed about her waiting until marriage belief at the time, but now I was so grateful for those years I got to fall in love with her, for her. In my daze I hadn't noticed her standing in front of me.

"Eli."

"Edwards"

"What are we going to do Eli?"

I hesitated before speaking, I didn't quite know where she was at emotionally but I let my heart do the speaking.

"Clare we are going to have the most amazing life together. We are going to still go to school, and that's ok that we have to stay here. NYU can find some other chump, there are plenty of schools here. My parents would love to have us until we get our degree's I've already spoken with them, or we could have our own place. Anything you want Clare, I promise you'll have it. We will be a family and wont be scared, and we wont be sad because we have each other. Looking at you right now I have no doubt that weather it was now or in 10 years, it would have been you. This was always end game for me Clare. You, me, and a bunch of baby Goldsworthy's. Take my hand now and I promise you we will have the best life, the best. All you have to do is grab my hand, please."

Clare was silent for what felt like hours. I was afraid of what she was going to say, I was scared that after her talk with her parents that I was going to hear the word adoption or abortion come out of her mouth. I feared that her faith in me to take care of her and the baby was lacking. That's when she walked towards me, and she took my hand. I tightened my grip on her hand so hard.

"I'll never let go", I whispered.

She kissed me softly and put her forehead on mine.

"Always and forever", she breathed.

**Soooooo, can't wait to hear what you guy's thought! The next chapter wont be posted until sometime this weekend. I'm going to be skipping into the future next chapter, and YESSS Drew will be back. If you have any Ideas for baby names please let me know I'm dying trying to pick one. Thank y'all so much, until next time ;***


	4. Chapter 4

**Eli's POV**

It had been 15 years since Clare gave birth to our twins. I remember being scared as it was to have one baby at such a young age, but two was something I didn't think I could handle. Then came the day they were born, I knew in that moment that my very existence was linked to their happiness. Everything seemed slow motion to me that day. Clare was screaming terrible things at me about how this was all my fault, the nurses were trying to assure me she didn't mean it, and all the while I was trying not to pass out. Just when I felt like I was about to hit the ground I heard the words "it's a girl", and they placed Julia Anne Goldsworthy in my arms. From that moment it was all over, my world had changed. Two minutes later the doctor handed me my son, Alex Adam Goldsworthy. It took all my strength not to fall to my knee's and weep like a baby as I held them In my arms, I was at their mercy. Age mattered little anymore, I knew then and there that in this life I'd never let anything hurt them. I Eli, knew what it meant to be a dad. Fear wasn't an option, not when it came to them, not ever again. Later that night as we sat in the hospital bed Clare held Alex, and I Julia. We shed a few happy tears and we made a few promises to each other, and to them. Today those little babies we held in our arms that night were teenagers starting their first day of high school at Degrassi. Julia had inherited her mothers pale skin and blue eyes, but her dark hair and facial features were all Goldsworthy. She also took after me personality wise in the way that she sometimes kept to herself, her mood was sometimes on the angry side, and her passion was writing and film. Alex wasn't really like Clare or me when it came to most things. He had the pigment of my skin, and my brown eyes but his hair was a dirty blonde like Clare's. Sometimes when he'd go to long without a haircut the ends of his hair would even begin to curl like hers. Alex may have looked like us, but he hated anything to do with writing and film. He much rather would throw a football, or shoot a ball in hole or something. When he was younger bonding with him was difficult because I knew nothing about sports, and we disagreed on everything. I was always afraid I was a disappointment of a father to him, but my son with the big heart he has never let me feel like that if he could help it. When he was 10 he had his mother sign him up at the local theatre to be in a play, he was quite good too. He also hated it, I knew he only did it to make me happy. That next year I refused to let him sign up again and instead I took him to football camp. The look on his face was well worth the money it cost, I knew I had made my son happy and that was all that mattered. Today though, for the first time since they were born I was afraid. I was afraid I'd lose my son to the high school, and the kind of jock's I hated in school. The meat heads like Dallas and Drew.

"Eli can you pay attention to me, you need to remember to pick the kids up from school today I have a doctors appointment I cant be late for remember."

"Clare stop fussing I wont forget. Enjoy today it's your first day as an English teacher as well Mrs. Goldsworthy."

"I know", she smiled.

"Promise me you wont let any boys near Julia, and that you wont let that meat head influence Alex too much."

"Eli, Drew is going to be Alex's football coach if he makes varsity, which you know he will, I cant control if he has some influence over our son. That isn't a terrible thing though, Drew is a good person you know that. Promise me you wont let this bother you too much"

"How can I not when his sole purpose in life has been to steal you from me? I don't want him trying to get to you through them."

"Drew and Bianca married, and had a son of their own. So, I think the whole sole purpose in life comment is a little over the top don't you think?"

"They divorced, Clare."

Clare playfully punched my arm and gave me a kiss on the cheek. The look in her was enough to assure me she wasn't going anywhere. She was just as amazing as she's always been. I sat on the kitchen stool anxiously waiting for the kids to come down stairs when there Julia was. She was standing at the top of the stairs, and my ever fear had come true. She was a babe. She was wearing black high top converse, blue jean shorts, a plaid shirt with too many unbuttoned buttons, and a black beanie. Her face was still her beautiful face but she was wearing makeup, I'd never seen her wear makeup. Her eyebrows didn't even look like hers, which confused me. As she walked down the stairs she tucked her long black hair behind her ear and revealed three hoop earrings at the top of her ear, I even saw a shiny stud in her nose sparkle. At the moment I was officially freaking out.

"Julia, before you take another step in this direction I want you to turn around, put some pants on, button up that shirt, wipe your face, and then come back with name of the person her stuck your face with needles so I can kill them."

Julia didn't look phased, she even appeared amused. She chuckled and kept coming my way.

"Dad, I did this to myself last night, and I like the way I look. It's my first day of high school, stop being so grumpy I just wanted to look nice."

"You always look nice Julia because you look like me, when that stuff isn't all over your face that is."

"Daddy stop, It's not a big deal. I love you, it's just a little change don't worry."

She knew how to turn my heart into pudding.

"I love you", I replied.

I yelled for Alex to come down stairs, and he came down in a white fitted short sleeve shirt, faded blue jeans, and white vans. It unfortunately was all American Eagle brand.

"Dad can you not scream so early in the morning please", Alex groaned.

"Son it's your mothers first day, she cant be late for class."

"That's right Alex and you find out if you made varsity today", Clare chimed in.

Alex nodded and sat down at the table. After Clare and the kids finished their pancakes they took off the Degrassi. I stayed behind for a few minutes before going to work at the theatre arts school I opened up a few years back. I looked at their baby book, and I reminisced about the late night stories, and kisses goodnight. It all seemed like it was just yesterday, but here they were about to form their own lives separate from me and Clare. They sometimes you have to let go, but I didn't think I could ever let go of my kids. All I'd ever be in life was their dad, and Clare's husband. That's all I'd ever want to be. When I finally took off to work I turned on the radio, and the Kenny Chesney song "There goes my life" was on. I wasn't a big country fan, but I let the song the play. After crying through it I realized, that maybe I didn't have to let go but I needed to accept that my little babies weren't little anymore and that, that was ok. It was ok because Clare and I will always be their parents.

**Clare's POV**

Driving the kid's to school I couldn't help but look at them through my rearview mirror. They were a perfect combination of Eli and I. This was an emotional day for me, but I knew it was harder on Eli. He had exceeded every expectation I had ever had for him as a father. He loved us so much, and I knew Drew being around us was going to worry him. I wished he wouldn't though, because I now more than ever know I made the right choice by choosing Eli. He was still every dream I dreamt, and every breath I breathed still belonged to him. When we arrived at Degrassi the kids jumped out of the car and went there separate ways without so much as a goodbye, I guess being the teachers kid can be embarrassing. I walked up the stairs and through the front doors, I had a tingly sensation through out my body. My interview for the job had been a phone interview so this was the first time I'd walked through theses doors since graduation, when I was pregnant with the twins. Looking around I couldn't help but remember all the memories Eli, Adam, and I had made here.

"Clare! There you are, It's so good to see you, let me walk you to your classroom?"

"Of course Mr. Simpson, It's nice to see you as well. To tell you the truth I'm feeling a bit over whelmed being back here."

"I can imagine Clare, It's been a while. I'm sure you'll get used to being back, I was hoping to see your kids before I made the announcements. It's crazy how all these years have passed and now you and Eli have children of your own attending my school. How time flies, anyways I'm sure I'll see them around through out the day. Looks like were at your room, have a good day and don't be nervous. I hired you for a reason."

"Thank you Mr. Simpson."

He went off to make enouncements and I made my way inside. I wrote Mrs. Goldsworthy on the chalk board, and I smiled to myself. This was a dream for me. I watched to kids filing in, including my own. I was about to begin when I heard Mr. Simpson's voice over the intercom.

"Hello Degrassi. This your principle Mr. Simpson and I'd like to start off by saying we're going to have a great year. I've been doing this a long time and I can tell you from experience that high school can be fun and exciting time in your life if you let it be. On another not the football announcement will be made after lunch, and the school play tryouts will be held during lunch. Have a great first day Degrassi students."

After the announcements I stood up and began.

"Hello class, as you can see I am Mrs. Goldsworthy and I'll be your English teacher for the year. I think that in a class where you'll be taping into peoples emotions in your writing, and also working with them as partners you should all get to know each other. I want everyone to pick a partner, someone you don't know, and ask them a few about themselves until the bell rings. You may begin."

**Julia's POV**

My mom was teaching my English class, and she looked like a different person up there. She looked more at ease, and at home then I'd seen her in a while. She was almost like someone I'd never met. She instructed us to pick partners and ask them questions. Everyone was up looking for a partner and I just sat a my desk. I knew I needed to get up and put myself out there, but it wasn't in my nature to do that. I got that from my dad.

"Is this seat taken?"

I looked up to see a tall boy with brown hair and brown eyes staring at me. He wore the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. I noticed his varsity lettermen jacket and my hopes sank. He was just another meat head, as my dad would say.

"No, it's not." I mumbled.

"Great. So do you want to go first?"

"I guess so. What are your interests?"

"That's easy, football. Do you have a favorite band?"

"Yes, the latency or parachute. Its a hard choice. How do you feel about Gay rights?"

"That's kind of deep there don't you just want to know If I have a date to the Beginning of the year dance or something less serious?"

"As if. And that isn't the point of the assignment my mother gave us."

"Your mom? You mean your the teachers daughter? No wonder you care about the stupid assignment."

"No I care about this assignment because I care about school, ass hole."

His smile faded and I began to wonder if I had come off too harsh.

"I'm sorry, I was just messing around. That was dumb to say, sometimes I say dumb things. We can finish, seriously. I support gay rights. So what's with the whole bad ass rocker chick look? Are you trying to piss off the parents or what.

That struck a nerve with me, I never wanted to be judged for the way I dressed or the music I listened to. I wasn't bad, I just didn't see why I had to fall in with status quo.

"No I just have a certain type or style, do you always ask such rude questions?"

"No do you always let such simple questions get to you?"

"Oh no, only when dumb meat heads ask them."

"Jesus can you stop being so bi-polar."

"Jesus? If Jesus was real he would have given me a better partner."

The bell rang and I immediately exited the class room. My dad always said not to shame anyone who believed in God, especially since mom and Alex were believers. I couldn't help myself though, the comments about the way I dressed was one thing but he called me bi-polar. My dad was bi-polar, and it pissed me off that he's be so insensitive about the disorder. I knew he didn't know, but still. When I reached my locker I felt someone grab my wrist, I turned around and it was him.

"Let go of me, now."

"Listen I'm sorry I was a jerk back there, the assignment was cool, I don't think you're bi-polar at all, and I like your whole "I'm a bad ass look", its kind of hot."

He was still holding onto my wrist, and I could feel my cheeks beginning to turn red.

"Let go", I repeated.

"I will, just let me ask one more question, for the sake of the assignment?"

"If you'll go, I'll answer anything."

"Your name. I have to know your name."

"Julia Goldsworthy."

"Julia. That's beautiful. I'm Blake. Blake Torres."

**Ok so I have received a few messages about the time of conception of Drew and Bianca's baby. After Clare chose Eli, Bianca came back to town and two months later baby Torres was conceived. Thanks for the support from everyone please let me know what you think, and what you'd like to see happen. I hope you liked this chapter, I'll be sure to post the next one within a week. **

**P.s. I hope ya'll are as excited as I am for the return of Degrassi (Which I haven't mentioned in a while that I don't own. So I don't.), April 7th! Love you guy's :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Clare's POV**

The third day of school had gone by rather fast, before I knew it lunch time had come around. Mr. Simpson had emailed the staff about a school meeting in the student council room. When I walked into the student council room many memories started to flash through my mind. I thought of when Drew had asked me to be his VP or as he liked to call it his "veep". Memories like that made me miss him, and I hated that.

I was reading over the questions I had written down to ask Mr. Simpson at the meeting when I heard someone call my name. "Clare". I looked up from my paper and there was Drew Torres standing in front of me across the table, he hadn't aged a day. Before I could find words Mr. Simpson had come in and asked everyone to have a seat, Drew sat in the chair directly across from me.

"Good afternoon Degrassi staff. I trust everyone's having a good day. I called this meeting to answer any questions anyone may have, I know for many of you this is your first year at Degrassi. The last few years have been a little rough as far as the students behavior and we lost 6 teachers. So, with that being said from the bottom of my heart I thank you all for teaching here. Would anyone like to start us off?"

Drew looked at me as if waiting for me to speak, assuming I'd be the first. I secretly wanted to prove him wrong, but I couldn't help my self and I went first.

"Mr. Simpson today I noticed a pattern of kids coming in and out of class without permission and, I don't know how to put this, "getting fresh" in the hallway. I proposed instead of detention we make these kids take a class that teaches them about respecting themselves once a week. When I went to school here they had many classes like this that helped friends of mine. If the students refuse, I propose we threaten suspension. With your permission I'd love to be in charge of these classes."

"I should of known you'd get right to business, Degrassi is lucky to have you Mrs. Goldsworthy. I think that would be a great idea."

"Thank you Mr. Simpson, you wont regret it."

I was excited to get my first opportunity to make a difference in these kids lives. Through out the meeting teachers and coaches all chimed in, except for Drew. It wasn't until Mr. Simpson was wrapping things up that Drew stood up.

"Hello everyone, its coach Torres." Drew looked nervous. "I know in my 5 years here I've never really spoken at these things at all, but I haven't been inspire to until now. Sure I've won 5 consecutive District championships since I've been here and I'm totally the one that convinced Mrs. Martinez to make Mondays Free Pizza Monday's, but I haven't done much to actually changed these kid's lives. Mrs. Edwards has only been here three day's and she's already taken great initiative to change things around here. I'd love to help be in charge of these weekly classes, almost like her VP. Of course only if you're ok with that Mr. Simpson."

"I don't see a problem with that Coach Torres, you two can have Thursdays during the lunch period starting next week. If that's all I have to go make the football and play announcements, I should have done that Monday but coach Torres couldn't make up his mind. Everyone have a great day, if you need anything else you know where my office is."

Mr. Simpson hurried out, and everyone else followed. I sat in my chair staring at Drew, he was staring back with just as much intensity. When the last person walked out I let him know how furious I was.

"Where the hell do you get off Drew?"

"It's nice to see you too Clare, gosh it's only been 15 years I'm glad your so happy to see me."

"Quit with your games, you had no right to do that."

"Right? I guess I never do anything right when it comes to you do I Clare? When I volunteered to help you, I trying to change that."

"Like you said, it's been 15 years. A little too late to change things. If you're going to insist on trying though, you can start by getting my name right. You called me Ms. Edwards, It's Mrs. Goldsworthy, and you know that."

"I do know that, and I hate it Clare. I can't even say it. I know somewhere deep down you love me. I let you go because I was young and dumb. I thought a baby meant you and Eli had to be together, but it doesn't."

"You're right it doesn't, but the fact that I love him does mean that I want to be. It was never you Drew, you need to stop holding out hope. I have kids that go here, this isn't a game." Drew's face looked confused for a second, and he got up from his seat and walked towards me. His face was only inches from mine.

"Kid's?", he whispered."

"Yes, twins. Julia Anne Goldsworthy and Alex Adam Goldsworthy."

"Adam.. That's really great Clare. I know you Loved Adam very much."

"I did Drew."

"I knew you had a boy because he's in my football program, he's going to start on varsity. He's talented."

"He's a good kid, and so is Julia, so please stop. Stop trying to ruin their family, because that's what the four of us are a family Drew."

"Tell me that me being this close to you isn't making your heart pound, tell me you don't wonder about what our life together would have been like, and I'll let go Clare."

"It would have been a fun and even adventurous life. I probably would have even been happy, but every night that I'd lay next to you I'd dream of Eli, and I'd regret missing out on real and unconditional love like the love I share with him. When I lay beside him at night, I never for a second regret choosing him to lay next to. The question was never weather or not I had feeling for you Drew, because I do. I cant deny that, but I can live without you. I could never live in a world without Eli by my side." Drew stepped away and scratched his head. His silence was killing me.

"I don't know how to let go. Not having you in my life has killed me, and now that you're here again I don't know how to say goodbye."

"Then don't, don't say goodbye. Be my friend, and stop trying to steal me from Eli. What do you say, Veep?"

"How can I say no to you Clare? Friends then, that is If Eli is ok with that."

**Julia's POV**

I sat in the gym during free period waiting for Simpson to announce the lead roles in the play. They said they'd announce them after lunch today, but they were taking forever. The play was the classic Snow White story, but it was a musical. My acting was perfect, but when it came time to sing I began to develop a head ache and my normally strong voice didn't come out strong. I didn't want to go home and tell me dad I failed.

I was laying down in the stands on the bottom row when I heard the gym doors open.

"Julia, what are you doing here? Trying out for the basketball team? He still had that big smile plastered on his face, I hated people that smiled like that all the time and Blake smiled non stop. He came and sat by my head, and my heart skipped a beat. This feeling was so foreign to me.

"I'm waiting for the announcements, I don't have time for your jokes."

"You love my jokes, yesterday in English I saw you smile at them. Besides I wont be a bother, I'm waiting for the announcements as well. They're going to announce the starting line up additions to the team today. I'm kind of nervous."

"Why you're the coaches kid Blake, you'll be fine."

"So what? Does your mom give you and A when you deserve an F? No, because she gave us one yesterday. My dad is the same way."

'He's harder on me than anyone, if he thought I'd hurt the team I'd be on JV."

I sat up and I looked into eyes, there was a loneliness in them. I didn't know that he'd make it, all I knew is that for the last few days that's all he's wanted, so that's all I wanted.

"Listen, I don't know that you'll make varsity, and I don't know that I'll be Snow white. What I do know is that there are other things in life other than football Blake." He scooted closer to me, so close that our lips were almost touching. I'd never kissed a boy, but I wanted to kiss him.

"For these last few day's there has been something else on my mind, other than football. So, I guess you're right Julia."

"Oh, and uhm, what's that."

"You. The way you walk, the way your wrinkle your nose when I say something that annoys you, and how I know that under this front you put up you're just as weak around me, as I am with you. Go to the dance with me, Julia Goldsworthy. I may not wear those tight pants, be into the same bands as you, and you always say I'm a meat head bu-"

I did it. I kissed him. All self control went out the window. His lips were soft on mine, and his breath smelled like apples. He put his hand on my cheek and he pulled me in closer deepening the kiss. I pulled away and I buried my head into his shoulder.

"So, is that a yes?", he laughed.

I mumbled yes into his shoulder, and then Mr. Simpsons voice rang through the gym.

"As promised here are the names of the new additions to the starting line up of the Varsity football team: Conner Wright, Derrick Conwell, Riley Rice, Alex Goldsworthy, Garret Gomez, Zack Johnson, Jimmy Brooks JR., and Blake Torres. The rest of the starters are returning seniors. As for the lead roles of our first play of the year, the prince will be played by Zack Hollingsworth, and the role of Snow White by Julia Goldsworthy. That is all the announcements for today."

Blake and I ran down the stands and hugged each other. We didn't have to say anything, we both knew how each other felt. The rest of the day he walked me to all my classes. I didn't know what was happening, all I knew is I didn't want it to stop. People started to notice how friendly we were becoming, and my brother even texted me asking why I was hanging out with a football player. Some people even seemed angry about it. Blake had a lot of girls that fawned over him, I liked to call them his fans. Some of his "fans" called me a slut when I walked out of 7th period. None of the chatter, and none of the stares bothered me though. They didn't bother Blake either, he put his arm around me in front of everyone almost as if to say shut up, without actually saying it. This feeling was intoxicating, I even craved his 24/7 smile. When the final bell rang he walked me outside to wait for my dad. I turned to him to ask him what this was, when he pulled me into hug. I stiffened up at first, these bursts of affection were still new to me.

"Julia, today was amazing. It's only been three days, but each day these feelings are increasing at lightning speed. I don't know how to control it, or make it stop. I don't want to either, I need you to know that I want you. Today when you kissed me, everything changed. I need you, and I hope you need me back. Just say you're mine, and I'll be yours J."

My body automatically relaxed, and I was fighting a smile. Before I could respond there was a tap on my shoulder. I pulled away from Blake's hug and I turned around to see my dad.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No dad. I was just saying bye to my friend."

With a look of confidence Blake put out his hand for my dad to shake.

"Hello sir, I'm Blake. It's nice to meet you."

My dad kept his hands in his leather jacket, and he turned back to face me. "Let's go Julia." I gave Blake an apologetic look and I followed my dad to the car. Alex was already in the passengers seat looking at himself in the mirror. It only took two seconds for my dad to start asking me questions.

"What is that boy to you? Why were you letting him hug you like that Julia?"

"I met him in mom's class, he's nice dad. He asked me to the dance today, I said yes."

"No ma'am. You're 15. I was friends with guy's like him, they want one thing Julia, and you're not allowed to give that thing up until you're married. Ask your brother, he's one of those guy's!"

"Dad is right, we only want one thing. Sorry sis."

I had never been so angry with my father, he was my best friend. I felt like he was being ridiculous though.

"It's not your decision, I'm going."

I saw my dad's facial expression change in the mirror, he looked like he was going to have an episode.

"I'm sorry you think you have an option, but you don't. You're just a dumb kid you have no Idea about anything, before you know it high school will be gone along with this punk!"

"That's real damn funny coming from you, the man who preaches about his high school sweetheart, and their epic fairy tale. The truth is you don't care about me, you care about your self. You're selfish. All you care about is the image you have of me In your head as a little girl, well I'm not little anymore!"

"Julia shut up! Just shut your god damn mouth!"

His words cut me like a knife, and my eyes began to water. I saw his face, he hated himself in that moment for screaming at me like that. And I hated him too.


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, I still don't own Degrassi. Enjoy :-)**

**Eli's POV**

I had yelled at Julia, really bad. The look on her face tore me apart, and there was nothing I could do to take back what I said. I had been so busy I had forgot to take my med's, but that was no excuse for my behavior. I wouldn't let this disease control me ever again.

When we pulled up to the house I turned around to express my regret to Julia over the way I spoke to her, but before I could even get a word out she slammed the car door and ran inside.

"You were right to tell her to stay away from that Torres kid dad, I haven't heard one good thing about him", Alex said as he patted my back. Hearing the name sent a shiver down my spine.

"Torres? As in the spawn of Drew Torres?" My hands were shaking and I had crazy eyes, this made everything worse.

"Yeah, Coach Torres. You know him?"

"Yes, he's an old friend. A difference in opinion sent us our separate ways after high school, I don't want Julia around that family."

"Ok well, I'm going inside. You have fun out here dad." Alex was looking at me like I was crazy, and with good reason. A few minutes after he went inside I got out of the car and made my way to the porch. I sat there and waited for Clare to get home because I couldn't go any further. I didn't know how to face my daughter, for the first time since she was born. After about 20 minutes she finally arrived home.

"Eli, what's wrong? You're upset." It wasn't a question.

"I forgot to take my medication, and I yelled at Julia. I called her names, and the worst part of it all is I'm not man enough to even face her. So I here I am like a coward, hiding on a porch. I'm a terrible father, and I'm so sorry you got stuck with me. You deserve better, someone like Drew."

"Elijah don't say that. I love you. You are an amazing father, always have been. Hold a candle to you? Drew Torres never could. One mistake doesn't change that. You have a mental disorder, it's not your fault ok. Our kid's know that, and they understand. I know you don't ever want to use that as an excuse, but sometimes it is one." Clare stood behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, sometimes I swear her touch cured me more than any medicine. "Why _did _you yell at her though?"

"She wants to go to the dance. With Drew's son. She's like me Clare, how could she like someone like a Torres? How could anyone for that matter?" Clare let go of me and walked to the front door, putting her head down. "Clare I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry."

"No Eli, it's not that. I agree with you, I don't want her around them either."

I had to control a gasp from escaping my mouth, it wasn't like Clare to say something like that. "Why do you say that?"

"I just want the Drew chapter to stay closed In our lives, and becoming in-laws isn't keeping it closed."

"What? don't you think that's a little bit of a stretch?"

"Who's side are you on Eli?"

"Yours, this family's. I don't disagree a Torres isn't good enough for her, but you have never shared I my hatred for Drew. I need to know what really going on here Clare."

"He still loves me, he told me today. I thought he was going kiss me for a moment. I told him all we would ever be is friends, and that I loved you but Julia's interest in his son will only make him think he can use her to get to me. I have no doubt he would, and I wont let Julia get in the middle of this."

"I knew it, I knew he would do this. I should be so honored that he waited three day's to pounce, that animal. This was the whole reason I was against you working at Degrassi. I'm gonna kick his ass, I don't care how tough he is. I know I always say I will but this time I'm serious." After I said that it was hard for me not to laugh at my attempt at being macho. Clare let out a loud giggle, and I even cracked a smile.

"Shut up, you will do no such thing. I will keep my distance from him, and you will go fix things with our daughter. Whatever decision you decide to make, I'll support you in."

"She cant see that boy, I'm firm on that Clare."

"You need to explain that to her then, make her understand."

"I will, I Promise."

...

I knocked on Julia's door for a minute or two without an answer, so I decided to walk in on my own accord. She was laying on her black bed, in the dark with her face buried in a pillow, and headphones in her ear. The only reason I could see her was because of a lamp on her desk. I walked over and took the headphones out of her ears, she didn't move. "Can you turn around for me, blue eyes?" She sat up and revealed her tear stained face, and my heart broke for her.

"You came in here to tell me you're sorry, but I have to stay away from him. I know you too well. You can't just accept I'm not a baby."

"You will always be my baby, but that isn't why I've decided you cant be near this boy. You're mother agrees it's in your best interest to stay away from him. We know the Torres family very well, and it just isn't a good idea to have a Goldsworthy associating with that family."

"I don't understand."

"You remember when I told you the story of the girl you were named after? That should be enough reason to understand that everything I do is to protect you. When you were born I promised her I'd take care of you the way I failed to take care of her." That seemed to light a fire under Julia and she stood up and walked up to me.

"I've heard this story a million times dad! I'm not her, it's not the same situation."

"Exactly J. You, your brother, and mom are so much more important. I'm doing what I think is best as father. I'm not perfect, I know that and I'm sorry I yelled at you. I love you so much sometimes it makes me crazy I guess." I looked away from her disappointed eyes, and I felt a tear trickled down my cheek. Julia wiped it away with her thumb, and she smiled at me.

"Dad, you are not crazy. I love you, I'm sorry for the way I lost my temper as well. Like father like daughter right?" In that moment she reminded me so much of Clare, not myself. "I just don't understand what you and mom have agains-"

Julia was cut off by a scream from downstairs, it was Clare. Without hesitation we both ran downstairs into the kitchen. Clare was sitting on the floor with her eyes closed, and the house phone to her chest. Alex ran up behind Julia and I. I knelt down beside her and I grabbed the phone. "Who was on the phone Clare, what's wrong?" She barley choked out "The doctor." My first thought was her cancer is back, and I put my forehead on her shoulder. I took a deep sigh and closed my eyes, this couldn't be happening again. I remembered hearing that Clare had cancer all those years ago, it was like a million bricks landed on my chest. This time though was so different, we had children. Not only would I be losing Clare, so would they. I began to say something that was going to go along the lines of, "you can fight this", or "You did it once you can do it again, but she stopped me.

"Don't let your mind go there, any of you. My tests came back clear, I'm cancer free."

"Then what the hell is going on Clare?"

"Julia, Alex, you're going to have a baby brother or sister! Eli You're going to be a dad again!" I looked at the kids and their disappointed faces matched mine. I should be happy, and over the moon but I somehow felt dirty, like I was cheating on my kids by having another. I had to say something though, Clare's face started to turn to concern. "That's great honey. Kid's tell your mom how great this is! The both mumbled a "congrats" and asked to go back to their rooms, I excused them. When Clare heard their doors shut she stood up, pulling me with her.

"Eli, you're upset. All of you are, I can see it in your eyes", she whispered.

"I'm not upset, I'm just surprised. It's always been us four, and as wrong as this sounds I'm afraid I wont love this baby the same as I do those two kids. I don't want you to be angry with me because I love you, _and_ this baby. I'm just gonna have to get used to this, just give me some time to get used to the idea."

"You know what Eli? In all our 15 years of marriage I have never felt so distant from you as I do in the very moment. You can take your time to get used to the "idea" on the couch."

"Clare, don't be like this and don't say things like that please. I love." My face was full of desperation, I just wanted her to understand.

"All those years ago Drew warned me you'd do this. He said we weren't a stable couple, that we weren't a fairy tale. That you were no good for me."

"Oh, we're gonna bring him into this? Would he have handled this so much better than me Clare!" I felt my blood boiling.

"Drew would be ecstatic about having a baby with me!"

"Then call god damn Drew Clare, I'm so sick of hearing his name. I'm going to Bullfrog's."

"Wow, high school much Eli? You cant just leave, we have kids upstairs what am I supposed to say to them?"

"That mom decided Drew Torres would be a better fit than her husband."

"You need to let go of your fixation with him Eli!"

"No! He has **_always _**been between us Clare, I just never knew it until now."

"No, that's not true Eli, I love you. Just you. You know that, after all these years you cant tell me you don't. I'm sorry I said those awful things, it just hurt me so much to hear that you felt so unhappy about this when I couldn't be happier."

"Clare I am happy, well I was. I just had some fears and concerns about all of this. Now? Now what I'm really scared of is that my wife isn't over her old flame." Clare smiled, took a step towards me, and wrapped her arms around my neck. She brought her lips to my ear and she whispered, "I'm all in." I was brought back to that moment in high school when Clare and I had got back together after a lengthy break up. Those words were a promise to each other that from that moment on we would never leave each other, we'd always be all in. For a second I had forgotten that promise, and Just like that Clare reminded me of how dumb I could be. We could get through anything, as long as we were together. Just when I was going to tell her that, I noticed Julia standing in the kitchen door way, with blood trickling out of her nose. She was holding on to the door knob for support, with tears falling from her eyes. Clare and I were frozen, it was like a bad scene in horror film. Julia barley choked out what she was trying to say. "Momma, daddy, what's wrong with me?" She was looking directly at me, expecting me to make it all better because I was her dad. Her super hero. Everything before this instance was forgotten. The fight, Drew and his kid, it all meant nothing. The whole world stopped, because there was no world for me if my little girl wasn't ok. I ran over to her, and she collapsed in my arms.

**Things are going to start taking a darker turn so...beware. And as always thank you for your support :)**


	7. Chapter 7

_**I hate not being able to reply to people without an account. But any who. I'll just respond here. The kid's and Eli wont be miserable about the baby forever, I promise. And, in case no one knew this.. Degrassi still isn't mine.**_

**Julia's POV**

I opened my eyes, and looking round I realized I was in a hospital bed. It was all coming back to me, how I ended up here. The constant head ache I had been having the last few weeks started creeping up on me really fast. This time my head ache was different, It was unbearable. I was burying my head in my pillow trying not to cry, when my phone went off. I had a text from Blake.

**Blake: I miss u. Hope your dad wasn't too mad. **

**Me: He's very upset, Blake. I don't think we can hang out anymore. **

**Blake: Why? What's Going on J Goldsworthy, spit it out.**

**Me: That is exactly what's going on I'm a Goldsworthy, you're a Torres. Apparently there's some bad blood between our families, and my dad refuses to let me be near you...**

**Blake: I already know about our parents history, my dad told me about it the firs day we met. I went home and I told him I found the perfect girl, he explained to me why your dad wouldn't approve. It's a funny story.**

**Me: Oh. My dad didn't give me details. I guess this is it then?**

**Blake: Didn't you hear me? I've known about this, and I don't care. I want to be with you. It's kind of hot anyways, it's like I'm Romeo. And you, you're _my_ Juliet. **

**Me: I don't feel to great tonight, I cant think very clear I'll have to talk to you about this tomorrow. **

The last thing I wanted to do was end that conversation, especially like that, but I couldn't take the pain anymore it was becoming unbearable. I tossed my phone aside, and I walked to my bathroom to take a shower. When I looked in my bathroom mirror there was blood starting to trickle out of my nose. I never got nose bleeds. The blood wouldn't stop coming out, so I went to grab a towel. Before I could grab the towel hanging over my shower rod I stumbled, almost hitting my head on the sink corner. I'd always heard people say they see stars when they get dizzy but I thought it was just a saying, until that moment. There were little stars dancing around my head, and everything around me was fuzzy. I laid on the bathroom floor curled up in a ball trying not scream at the pain. I felt like my body was shutting down on me. I willed myself to get up and I ran down stairs, to find my parents. They were arguing, oblivious to my presence. I couldn't even speak, and it was making me so upset I started crying. To my relief my dad noticed me standing in the door way, when he saw me he turned white as a ghost. That was the last thing I remembered, seeing my dad, and knowing he'd fix it.

Alex was sleeping on the hospital couch, with head phones is his ears. My mom and dad were no where to be seen. There was dresser beside the bed and my phone sat on it. I grabbed it and there 36 messages from my friends, 10 of those from Blake.

**Blake: Julia we need to talk about this now.**

**Blake: Hello? Are you ok?**

**Blake: The ambulance just passed my house, going towards yours. Are you good?**

**Blake: Ok you're pissing me off a little.. I really just wanna know that ur good J..**

**Blake: I'm stopping by your house, (Insert serious face)**

**Blake: I just got a text from that Hollingsworth kid your in the play with, he lives across from you. Anyways, he's my friend so he let me know the ambulance is at your house. My dad's freaking, he thinks your mom is in trouble. If there's anything I can do let me know.**

**Blake: Ok your lack of responses has me worried really bad :(**

**Blake: I'm almost to your house, Please answer me. Be ok..**

**Blake: No one's at your house anymore wtf do I do.**

**Blake: You're beautiful when you sleep**

When I read the last message the door opened, and it was him.

"Hey, sunshine. I took the liberty of brining you a tea, and every breakfast taco known to man. How are you feeling?"

"Confused, What's wrong with me? Why did you come here, Blake? I don't want you to see me like this." He set the tacos down, and he sat beside me on the bed. He cracked a little smile and grabbed my hand. His face was full of concern, and worry.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than right here with you."

"You didn't answer my other question."

"Because I don't know the answer. Your parents are talking with the doctors right now, they haven't paid much attention to me. I was waiting for your dad to kill me when I first got here, but he barley gave me a glance. He's been sitting here holding your hand all night. Your mom's been crying a lot, and your brother too. I slept in that chair last night, waiting for you to wake up. I'm happy to see you're feeling better."

"I probably haven't been eating enough, and before you saying anything I know that's dumb. I just haven't had a big appitite lately. I'll eat a banana and then I can ditch this hell hole." Even I didn't believe what I was saying. Blake brought me into a hug and he ran his hand through my hair. It felt good to relax into his arms, for a second I forgot I was in a hospital. My worries evaporated. I felt his body tense and he pulled away, the expression on his face was one of sadness.

"Julia, did you get bit by something?"

"No, what are you talking about?"

"There's a lump on the back of your head."

My heart stopped. "I probably just hit it on something it's nothing."

The door opened and my mom and dad came in, with the doctor following. Blake stood up and walked to the corner of the room. My mom ran to me and hugged me, she was crying. The doctor started flipping through a clip board, and when he stopped on his designated page he began to speak.

"Ms. Goldsworthy, I'm Doctor Ferriot. I'll be taking care of you for the remainder of your stay here."

"My stay?" I looked to my dad, with panic in my eyes. He just looked at the floor.

"You have a rare cancer called Rhabdomyosarcoma. Usually those who get Rhabdomyosarcoma, have a family history of it. We're going to need you to stay here during the Chemotherapy you are going to need. This disease can be over come, we have a support group down the hall from you room." His tone was monotone, and his expression neutral.

"No, that's not possible. There must be a mistake."

"I'm sorry Ms. Goldsworthy your blood test's confirm it. I'll give you some time to digest this news with your family, but I'd like to start the treatment as soon as possible. The cancer is aggressive."

He left the room, and I started to scream. I just kept yelling no, over and over again. My mom was holding me, but her words wouldn't calm me. I felt like the entire world as I knew it was over. The hospital room felt like it was closing in on me, and if I didn't get out it was going to squeeze me to death. My screams woke up Alex, and he rushed to my other side trying to console me as well. Nothing made it better, because nothing took the cancer away.

"Mom why, why me! I've never done a thing wrong in my life! I get good grades, I keep to myself. You speak of this god, this holy man. What is holy about giving a 15 year old cancer, is it some kind of joke? Is it a punishment of some sort! Your God isn't real, and if he is he can go screw himself!"

"Baby no, you have Rhabdomyosarcoma because of me. Do not blame God, blame me. You have cancer because of your genetics, I gave this to you. I am so sorry. I never thought in a million years that this would happen Julia, I should have had you getting check up's annually. I just never let this cross my mind. I love you, and I am going to be here every single step of the way. I wont let anything happen to you, you're so much stronger than I ever was. You're a Goldsworthy, that's how I know you'll get through this." She kept stroking back my hair, but I just wanted to be left alone. To wallow in my self pity. The more she kept touching me the more I felt like I was going to explode. I slapped my mom's hand away, immediately after I did it I felt guilty. It was a reaction, and I didn't mean to do it. Her eyes widened and she backed away from me. I didn't apologize, I didn't have the energy to say anything anymore. She ran out of the room, without saying a word. Alex Gave me an ugly stare, and followed after her. It was just me, my dad, and Blake. My dad finally moved from the foot of the bed and he sat beside me laying his head on my chest.

"Julia, Don't do that. Don't shut your mother out. She more than anyone knows what you're going through. This sucks so bad, I know. I watched your mom fight this day in and day out, and it's hard. You have to be strong, because I can't lose you Julia. I can not live in world without you." He was sobbing so much my hospital gown was becoming soaked in tears. "Baby don't leave me", he pleaded. Here I was the one with cancer, and he was the one crying on me asking for promises I didn't know I could make. I knew my dad was going to fall apart through this, I had to pull myself together for him. He needed me to make it better.

"I'm gonna be fine dad, don't worry I wont be going anywhere anytime soon." I started rubbing his head, and I felt him relax. After a few minutes of that I urged him to go find mom. "You go tell mom I didn't mean it ok", I smiled. "I love you both, everything's going to be fine."

"I'll be right back blue eyes." He kissed me on the forehead, and headed for the door. He paused for a second, and then turned around, eyes on Blake.

"You. Torres. The only reason I haven't kicked your ass out of this room is because I know how important it was for me to be there for Clare when she was sick. The fact that you're here say's a lot. I know she wants you here right now, but I'm still not ok with this relationship being anything more than a friendship. My son has warned me of your way's Torres. Not that I needed him to tell me, you and your dad are one in the same. You convince yourself you love someone for a while, and then it's on to the next. My daughter wont be just another stop a long the way." My dad's stare was menacing, it was a warning not to do anything to hurt me. It felt good that he was still treating me like his teenage daughter, and protecting me from boys. Rather than just treating me like a sick girl. He smiled at me and closed the door. My mind started to wonder what Alex had heard. Blake immidiatley rushed to my side grabbing my hand and kissing each knuckle. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, he wiped it away with his thumb.

"Don't cry Julia, You're going to be ok. I'm going to be holding your hand, through every single moment of this. Your dad has the wrong idea about me, I'm not Drew Torres. I'm Blake Torres, and there's no next girl for me. There's only you."

"What about tomorrow? When I'm sick and throwing up, will you still want me then. When my hair falls out.."

"Yes, just as much as I do now. Just as much as I did the moment I first saw you 1st period sitting there at your desk with your head down. When you finally looked around the room and reveled those blue eye's, I knew I had to know you. I had to know what made you, you..what made those eye's sparkle. Weather your hair is on your head or not, you'll still be you. I'll always look in your eyes, and see you." He kissed my forehead, and for a second I wasn't sick.

**Clare's POV**

I found out I was pregnant today, and instead of celebrating I was in my car sitting in the parking lot of the hospital, because my daughter has cancer. The cancer I had, the cancer I gave her. She hated me, and I hated myself. My head was laying on the steering wheel when I heard the door open, It was Eli. He got in and closed the door, staring at me with that intense glare of his.

"Clare, are you ok?"

"No, I want to die. And don't tell me not to say that, because I know you feel the same way. Julia having... I cant even say it. Her having this thing, hurts me so much more than when I was diagnosed. I can't lose her, I can't Eli I swear to God if she dies I will die with her." My hands were shaking, Eli grabbed them.

"I wont tell you what to say or how to feel, because you're right. I feel the same way, but Clare no matter what happens we can't fall apart. We just cant. No matter how much we want to crawl in a hole we cant because we have Alex, and this new baby to think about."

"This baby? This baby is coming at the wrong time, I need to be focusing on our daughter. You were right, I could never love anyone the way I love those two kid's. This baby is a mistake."

"This baby is our daughter or son too, all our kids are a priority. You need to take care of yourself, stop saying things like that. Julia has cancer Clare, but she's still her, just like that baby is still the same thing that brought you so much joy yesterday." I nodded my head in agreement, ashamed that I talked about my baby like that. "Julia told me to tell you she didn't mean it", Eli exclaimed.

"Really?"

"Yes, she loves you Clare. No one blames you for this. You need to know that, it's not your fault you got cancer, and it's not your fault Julia got cancer. I want you to hold on to any joy you can, blue eyes. This baby is a happy and good thing, we need this little peanut right now. All of us. We will get through this as a family, I promise you Julia will be ok." He smiled, and kissed me on the cheek.

"You're right Eli, nothing's going to happen to Julia."

**AN: I love to do whatever it is can to please the reader, but to make the story be what I need it be I have to do some things that might be upsetting at first. I just think it's fair to warn you all, things will get bad before they get better. &amp; Remember in the end the story is really about Eli, and Clare. xoxo ImagineRie **


	8. Chapter 8

Anyone else dying for Degrassi to come back already? If I owned it, it would be. Sadly I don't.

Clare's POV

The day after the doctor told us Julia was diagnosed with cancer, the decided to start administering the chemo treatment. Eli and I stood there watching the nurse put Iv's in our daughter that would pump chemicals into her that would help her, or just hurt her. I new all too well that even if the chemo worked, she would never be the same. Chemo sucks the life out of you, and never quite returns all of it. The nurse went over what to expect in the next few days with us, for the 100th time, and then proceeded out of the room. I looked at my daughter so beautiful, and full of hope. I started to shake thinking about how sick she'd be in a few day's. I wanted to remember her in this moment, hopeful that she'd beat this, full of energy. Julia smiled at me as if she knew what I was thinking. "It's not that bad mom." After she said that I lost it, because she had no idea how bad it really was. I put my hand over my mouth to keep a sob from escaping, but the tears still rolled down my face. "Mom stop", she pleaded. I couldn't stop though, I couldn't pull myself together. She began to cry as well, making my sobs worsen. In the middle of my despair I felt Eli tug on my arm, he was pulling me out of the room. When the door shut and we were on the other side he turned to Blake who was sitting on the floor. He had been waiting to be aloud back in the room for an hour at this point. With distain Eli asked him to go comfort Julia, and he responded with a "yes sir" and made his way inside her room.

"What the hell Clare? What kind of shit was that in there?"

"Excuse me Eli?"

"You cannot just break down like that in front of her like that. It does nothing but scare her."

"I am aloud to be scared Eli, I'm aloud to have a moment of weakness. I'm her mother."

"Exactly your her mother, you have to suck it up and be strong for her Clare. You cant be around her if your going to break down every time you look at her. Julia was handling it well and you drug her down into a dark place." Eli's face was hard and serious. I needed him to comfort me, not tell me what I was doing wrong.

"So you're a cancer expert now? You know what Julia needs more than me? Last time I checked you've never had cancer, so don't you dare pull me out of my daughters room and tell me that I cant be around her because I'm not handling this the way you want me to." Eli's face softened a bit, and I could see he felt bad.

"Clare I'm sorry, I know I haven't been in your shoes, but I have been on the other side of it. I've been the caretaker, don't forget that I know what its like to watch the person you love get sick like this. You're not used to having to watch the person you love suffer, I have done this before. You don't think I wanted to fall to me knees every time I saw you in pain, because I did. I couldn't though, because you needed me to be strong for you. Julia needs that from you now, you have to do better Clare."

"Go to hell Eli." I stormed out of the hospital to Degrassi where I could think, and be alone. I would be missing a few days every other week to be with Julia so any chance to catch up on paper work would be helpful. Really what I wanted was something else to focus on, other than the mess that my life had become in that last couple of days. As I sat my desk my phone continuously kept buzzing, it was Eli. He kept calling, and I kept ignoring him. I couldn't talk to him and not say something I didn't mean, so I turned off my phone. I grabbed a few papers and enjoyed the silence, the halls ha been empty for a few hours and there wasn't a sole in sight. When I reached for my coffee I knocked over my picture frame of Eli, myself, and the kids on our vacation to New York. I ran around my desk to pick it up, there was glass everywhere. I took the picture out of the frame and I dropped to my knees holding it to my chest. I was crying and rocking myself back and forth when I felt a pair of arms around me, Eli. I turned my head to look at him, but to my surprise it wasn't him. It was Drew.

"Clare please stop crying, it's going to be ok."

"Shut up, you have no idea at all!" The more I yelled the tighter he held me, I eventually gave in and I cried into his chest for a few minutes.

"Clare I know your daughter is sick, and you have every right to hate the world right now. But I cant leave you like this, you know that."

"Thank you Drew, for letting me fall apart. I needed that."

"I hate to see you like this Edwards." For a moment, when he called me that I really did feel like Clare Edwards. Like I was in another time, same place.

"Your son, he's been with Julia this whole time. He reminds me of you very much Drew."

"He's a good kid, the opposite of me, Clare."

I grabbed his hand and I look him in the eyes, ""No he's exactly like you. He's kind, caring, and determined. I know he genuinely cared for my daughter. The same way you care for people Drew."

"You mean the way I care about you, Clare?"

I pulled my hand away, I didn't want him to get the wrong impression, Eli was still my husband.

"Drew Don't, I'm pregnant again."

"Clare no, don't pull away from me again. I don't care if you're having a baby. I made the mistake of giving you up because of that once before I wont do that again. You're in here alone and crying for a reason, because Eli isn't being there for you that way he should be. It always come down to this, and you always push me away, I wont let you do that this time." Drew smashed his lips to mine, and I tried pushing him off but he wouldn't budge. I was going to resort to pinching when he was pulled off of me. It was Eli.

"That's it Torres, I'm fucking done. Of all the times to take advantage of Clare, you do it when** _our _**daughter is sick!" Eli through his leather jacket off, preparing to fight. I was in shock, not knowing what to do.

"Listen Eli, I'm sorry about your daughter but my feelings for Clare are not new. You know I've always felt this way. She feels it too, and she needs me now more than ever. You're not there, so I will be."

"You're one cocky son of a bitch Drew Torres" Eli tackled Drew to the ground, and I screamed. The began to roll on the floor, each one fight for control. Drew initially got on top of Eli, punching him a few times as I was trying to pull him off pleading for him to stop. Eli quickly rolled them back over and began to punch Drew. He was beating him up pretty bad and Drew's face started to become more bloody by the second. I was angry the Drew kissed me but I didn't want Eli to kill him.

"Eli please stop it! Please!", I cried. He did as I asked.

"Really Clare? This is ridiculous. Why am I even here when you were kissing that idiot while Julia's in the hospital! I came to apologize again, but here you are cheating on your husband. I never expected this shit from "saint Clare." Eli laughed a wicked laugh.

"Eli no! I didn't kiss him back, I just wanted to get away for a minute. I never thought this would happened! I love you! Don't do this."

"Clare, if you want him, have him. I don't have time for this not anymore, Julia needs me. This guy just doesn't go away, and you allow that. Remember when it used to be just us two, not us three? I do. I remember our beautiful love story, so magical and pure. Then he came and just fucked it up. We started a family, got away from everything and I truly thought you were happy with me. Just me. I love you so much, but maybe its not enough. You kissed another man and broke our vows. Remember those? Let no man come between what god has put together?"

"Don't throw God in my face when you don't even believe in him!"

"But I believed in our vows Clare! Dammit! Don't you get it, this has changed everything!"

"Eli I tried to push him off!"

"I don't believe you. You should see if pretty boy's ok, he looks knocked out pretty bad. I'm going back to the hospital, hopefully I see you there Edwards." That was like a knife in my heart.

"I am Clare Goldsworthy." My eyes shed tears.

"Yeah. I think you forgot that." His eyes shed them too.

"Never", I whispered.

Eli walked towards the door, and before leaving he turned to look at me. "Goodbye Clare", he whispered.

_"All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around. I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down. And it's taken me this long baby but I figured you out, and you're thinking we'll be fine again but not this time around." -Taylor Swift You're Not Sorry _

**Sorry for the long wait I have been busy getting ready for graduation, and without a computer. In a few weeks I am getting mine back, and the updates should be frequent. As always your ideas and thoughts make me happy. SO I'd love to hear what you think, or what you would like to see happen. Your reviews are what keep me going! Also, at the end of each chapter I will be putting the lyrics to a song that has inspired, or helped me write the chapter. If you don't know the song checking it out might help you to better understand the chapter. Of course I don't own the song. Thanks so much, Rie :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**So. Degrassi Was canceled, then revived by the most gracious Netflix. Sad news is that Eclare will not be apart of it. With that being said it makes so much sense, because Clare is graduating. I have great hopes that the show will finish strong on TV, giving Eclare what they deserve, the most happy ending possible with their baby :) Always remember folks, "whatever it takes, I know _we_ can make it through." (And I don't own Degrassi...lol.)**

**Clare's POV**

Eli left me alone in my classroom with a battered Drew by my side. I never meant for things to spiral so out of control, not too long ago everything was perfect. I didn't want to kiss Drew, I loved Eli. Maybe some part of me was caught up in the moment, and I wanted to forget everything and pretend that I was still in High School but no part of me wanted to kiss Drew. As I buried my head in my hands crying I heard Drew moan. I lifted my head and knelt by his head. "Drew I'm calling 911 you're going to be ok." He wiped his face and opened his eyes, smiling.

"Don't Clare. Ill be ok, emo boy hits like a pussy." He said this while trying to sit up, Eli obviously hurt him despite Drew's objections.

"Don't pretend for me. I'm sorry you two fought, but you shouldn't have done that." I stood up and walked to my door. Drew slowly got up and walked towards me, with a look of anger on his bloodied face.

"No matter what I do you will never love me the way you love him, will you? I have done everything. I have been laughed at, ridiculed, rejected, and beaten up yet still you love him. Why? Clare.." His eyes had a darkness in them I knew all too well.

"I'm sorry! I never wanted any of this for you. How many times have I begged you to back away, warned you I would always choose him! I cant make myself feel for you, what I feel for him. Its not humanly possible to love anyone else the way I love him. I understand if you hate me, but I have never led you to believe different. You have pushed, and pushed and now look what's happened! My marriage is probably over, and you got beat up. Does this make you happy? It's my fault though, I should have cut you off years ago. Eli is right, this is all bullshit really.. What am I doing here when My daughter needs me to help her kick cancers ass..I have to go, bye Drew." Before I walked out of the door I took one last look at his bloody face, and I let a tear drop from the corner of my eye because I loved him and he was broken. He was sweet, kind, and he loved me more than anything. I had always known I loved him in my own way. I could love a million men though, not a single one could compare to Mr. Goldsworthy. He was a hot head, and he always messed up but no one could ever make my heart melt the way he does. When we lock eyes I never have a doubt that its him, always will be, always has been. From the moment he ran over my glasses, I was his. Forever his, and only ever his.

**Eli's POV**

I ran from the Degrassi building all the way to my car, I got inside panting. It felt like the air had been sucked out of me and no matter how hard I tried to breathe I couldn't find air. In such a short time I had lost so much. My girls were both being taken from me, and there was nothing I could do to keep them from slipping away. I stayed clutching my chest for minutes before pulling myself together enough to drive. I sped to the hospital craving the sight of Julia, the smell of her. When I reached the hospital I ran to her room, like I had never run before. I swung the door open and she lifted her up from he pillow with a smile on her face.

"Daddy, where have you been? Is mom ok?" She was worried.

"Yes baby. Momma is ok, how are you feeling?" I sat down beside her, and held her hand.

"Not too bad, it is only day one though. What's wrong with you dad?" She was serious.

"Don't you worry about me, Julia. At all. I know mom and myself haven't been here by your side every second like we should be but I'm going to fix that right here right now. You're going to get sick of me, I promise."

"Dad no. That's not what I want, I need you to keep living. Weather I am or not. You and mom are going to have a new baby to take care of. If I die, the baby will still be here. And what about Alex? He needs you dad, just as much as I do." Julia's face was panicked and sad all at the same time.

"Don't you dare say that Julia, we don't say that word. You are not going anywhere, ever. I know I have two others kids, but they are ok. You are not. I need to be here with you, not just for you, but for me. Understand that, please."

"I do. I just want you to be happy, because this baby...I was so mad that you were going to have another kid. I have always been your baby, I didn't want to share you. Now I see, I really see what this all means. I think mom is right when she says there is a reason for everything. Like maybe God gave you and mom this baby because he knew you two needed it." She smiled her rare, but famous grin at me.

"I told you to stop it dammit Julia." I raised my a voice a tad, and gritted me teeth. It's crazy how just the thought of something can literally kill you inside.

"I know dad, It was just a thought. I'm sorry, love you." She leaned her head into my chest and I held her tightly. I'd never let her go.

**4 weeks later**

**Julia's POV**

Mom and dad hadn't spoken a word to each other in weeks, and I hadn't had hair in weeks. So much was different, so much was ruined. Today was a rare day, It was just Blake and I. My parents had gone to another area of the hospital to have a sonogram of the baby to find out the Gender, mom was 16 weeks along. Neither seemed too excited about it though. I felt like shit, and I looked like shit. They didn't want to leave me, but I begged. I needed them to love their baby. Alex was already suffering from lack of attention from them, he was hiding in his room or at practice, but never here.

After my parents had been gone for an hour or so I began throwing up. I threw up every five seconds, and I was shivering one second, hot another. I was curled up in a ball, laying in Blake's lap crying. This was a routine the last few weeks, each time worse than before.

"Blake I cant do this anymore." He kissed my bald head, and cried with me.

"Baby don't say that, you can do this. You will do this." He was shaking.

"You heard the doctor, the cancer was aggressive when they found it. Some people reject treatment, I am rejecting it." He said nothing, because he knew I was.

"Julia Goldsworthy, I Love you. From the very first moment. You know that, don't you?"

"I do. I Love you too Bake Torres. In another life, promise you'll find me somewhere. Weather it's as other people, or as frog's by a swamp. Promise we can both be healthy and have a bunch of frog babies."

"I promise. I'll find you. I'll always find you Julia. No one will ever take your place. No one ever" I smiled up at him, I wanted to encourage him to find love again, but I was selfish.

"Focus on football Blake, do all the things you said we'd do. Live, be happy. I am so lucky to have met you, to have loved you. The 100 games of Go Fish we have played in this room, the nasty jello you ate with me, and the trips we planned for when I got better, remember it all and know that it was the happiest time of my life. I'd have cancer forever if that meant I had you. I never opened up to anyone, but you changed that all. You let me experience a love of a life time, in but only months. Thank you for that."

"Stop saying Goodbye, I cant do that Julia. I cant say bye." I kissed his tears away.

"I want my parents, and I want my brother. Now."

**Eli's Pov**

Clare and I had left Julia alone without one of us for the first time in weeks. She was so sick today and I felt terrible but I knew that this appointment was important to Clare, and I had to go. We hadn't been speaking unless necessary, and It hurt like hell. As we were walking I felt like I needed to finally break the silence.

"So, boy or girl? What are you hoping for?" She laughed.

"Oh wow, really? You wanna talk to me now, and open up with that line? Pathetic." I grabbed her arm pissed.

"Don't talk to me about pathetic Clare, I wasn't the one cheating."

"God damn you Eli. I wasn't cheating on you! If you had any kind of brain you'd realize I would never! I love you so much dammit, and you keep pushing me away! I have needed you so much these last few weeks, I'm pregnant and our daughter is fighting to live! You are abandoning me, again! Just like you always do!" Just started to hit my chest with her fists like those crazy women on her tv shows, I had drove her to this. I had been selfish, hard headed, and jealous.

"Clare stop, I'm sorry. I know I messed up, I know. I wan to fix this, to fix everything. Julia needs us to work together to help her. Our baby cant come into this world with things the way they are, I love you four so much. I'm a lucky guy. I have a beautiful wife, beautiful twins, and a beautiful new baby on the way. I'm still hurt Clare, and confused about you and Drew...but today is going to be as happy a day as I can make it. Let's find out what we're having. I love you Clare Goldsworthy." She through her arms around me crying. "Let's, Eli."

After 30 minutes of the nurse measuring things, and making small talk she asked us the question.

"Would you like to know what you're having?"

"Yes." Clare said.

"It's a girl." The nurse smiled.

I hugged Clare and we cried tears of joy. Another baby girl. I was So happy. I couldn't wait to tell Julia. When I let go of Clare, I noticed Bake standing behind me.

"What are you doing here? Who's with Julia!"

"Please come right away sir, she needs you both."

_"Where did I go wrong I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life."- The Fray How To Save a Life _

**Soo not my favorite. I felt I rushed this a bit. I hope you guy's at least enjoyed it somewhat :/ Until next time, I love ya'll 4eva.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Eli's POV**

Laying here with a rope around my neck and some sad ass Lana Del Ray music playing, you'd think "what a sad guy." I wasn't a sad guy though, I was a lost guy. There wasn't a single part of me that didn't want to do it, didn't want to end my life. Today I didn't care about Clare, Alex, or my new baby. Today I was going to be selfish, because I had been too strong for too long. I was going to cry, and wallow in my self pity. My daughter was dead. It's the kind of bull shit you really cant say, that you really don't want to believe. The kind of bull shit you read in a book, get pissed off at but then you think "hey its just a book" and you pick it up and keep reading. This was real though. I couldn't turn the page, and skip this. I sat with Julia for about two hours before she died. I held her and we talked about all the things we got to do while she was here, all the things we'd never get to do.

"You know you're my best friend, right papa?"

"I do. And you're mine." I was holding her tiny body so tight, I wanted to savor every last moment.

"I don't want you to be sad, and I don't want you to quit. Don't quit on life. We have had so many amazing memories, almost 16 years of them. I want you to remember our family vacations, and the times we'd dance in the living room when I was little. I'd always stand on your toes because I couldn't dance, you have always been my super hero. I don't know where I'll go, or where I'll end up. I do know that where ever it is, I'm still going to love you and mom. She's going to take this very hard, don't break down on her. Stay strong for her, and for me. This is going to hurt Alex very much, he may not say a lot these days but that's just because he's hurting. We are twins, one in the same. I know if this were him, id feel like half of me were dying. You need to show him you love him, and when he says he cant do it anymore, make him." She was curled up in a ball in my lap with her head on my chest and her arms wrapped around my neck, she looked so tiny and breakable, but she sounded so strong. The confidence radiated off her voice, it was unbelievable.

"How can you say any of this, how can you make it seem so easy. Julia without you, I am nothing and I will never be anything again. I have tried so hard to keep everything and everyone together but I cant, I cant if you are gone." I was sobbing so hard I began to make embarrassing noises and no matter how hard I tried to control it I couldn't. "Ill never get to walk you down the isle, and I'll never be able to see you graduate. My baby, my baby! Kid's are supposed to burry their parents, not the other way around!"

"It isn't easy. I'm scared, so scared. I'm counting on you to not be, because you're the strongest man I know. If you cant handle this, how can I? I could finally feel her tears drip on my chest. I realized that I had to be strong one more time for her, I had to make her feel safe one last time. I had to still be her daddy while I could. When she was gone I could be weak, but not right now. Daddy's girl, needed me.

"You are way stronger than me, always have been Julia Goldsworthy. No matter where you go, you'll be ok. I know I will be to, because I will always have you with me. There is nothing that could erase you from my heart, from my soul. We will always be connected, distance and time cant change that. Don't worry about your mom or brother, ok baby. I'm sorry I broke down on you." She tighten her arms around my neck, was this really it?

"I wish I could have met my new brother or sister." Another knife to my heart, how could I take anymore.

"Sister. It's a girl, Julia." I cried. Her face dropped a little, and I knew what was on her mind. It made my heart ache. I couldn't let her think that.

"No one will ever take your place, you will always be my number one little lady. I loved you first, and ill love you longest. Forever." She smiled a little, and we lay in silence for a few moments before she finally spoke again.

"Daddy, I hope we've been wrong this whole time. I hope there's a heaven, and I hope I get to watch you and mom raise your baby. I hope I get to watch Alex graduate. And If we are wrong, do you think God could forgive me for doubting him? Do you think maybe I could be an Angel?" Her eyes were looking up at me wide, with tears threatening to fall.

"Yes. The most beautiful Angel there ever was Julia." She let a tear fall, smiled, and closed her eyes.

"I'm gonna go now dad. Tell momma, Alex, Blake, and my new baby sister I love them. Forever." My heart sank, and I literally threw up in my mouth. I was dying too.

"Thank you for choosing me to be the last one in here with you Julia Goldsworthy. It's been a pleasure to be your daddy baby. I'll tell them. I'll see you soon. I love you Forever." And just like that, my Angel flew away.

_"Memories seep from my veins. They may be empty and weightless, and maybe I'll find some peace tonight in the arm's of an Angel. Fly away from here." Sarah McLachlan In The Arms of an Angel_

**Sorry If it's a bit short, I thought this was the right time to stop the chapter. Don't hate me. There is so much more the come. Thanks for the support, if you guys every want to add to the story it's just as much yours as it is mine. I'd truly take it in to consideration. Thanks so much. Love always, Rie. xoxo**


	11. Chapter 11

**Clare's POV**

The feeling in the air, the look in everyone's eyes, it was all so dark. I found Eli trying to kill himself, and I had a hard time finding the words to stop him. That was two day's ago, and even though he didn't do it I could see in his eyes that nothing had really changed for him. This was a darkness I didn't think I could pull him out of. I was hurting too, but his connection with our daughter was something not even I could understand. We sat next to each other in all black, with our hands on our laps. People came up to us one by one hugging us and saying how sorry they were that Julia had passed, Eli and I said thank you and smiled at each person. It all felt like a dream, like any moment I'd wake up. It was the end of the night and every one had cleared the room but Eli, Alex, and myself. This was the last time we'd be able to see Julia's face before we buried her tomorrow, a truth that I couldn't fathom yet.

"Alex, would you like to say something to her before we go?" He put his hands on hers, and for the first time since she passed he cried.

"You will always be my twin. I will never be the same, and I will never look at a bottle of black nail polish again without yearning to see you, sister. I love you, and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm so sorry I bailed on you, because I wasn't strong enough to see you that way. I hope you can forgive me." Alex pulled his hand away, and with tears in his eyes he walked out. I called out for him to come back, but the more I called out to him, the faster he walked. Was my Son gone too?

"Clare, don't cry because of Alex. He loves you, he just has to deal with this in his own way." This was the first time Eli had spoken to me since I talked him out of killing himself. Even now though, his words were hallow.

"I don't think I can do this. I grew her inside of me, our miracle baby. I didn't carry her inside of me for nine months, to only end up burying her. Eli tell me what to do, tell me how to get through this!" I had thrown my arms around his neck, and I was clinging to him with all my strength. He grabbed my wrists, and pulled me off of him.

"Clare this isn't going to work. I'm done. I wont pretend for another second, I wont fight for something that's dead. Julia is dead, and so are we. We were dead the moment you cheated on me, the moment you abandoned me and Julia for Drew Torres. The moment she left us. This isn't a family without her, never will be again. I'm moving out tomorrow, you can keep everything I don't want any of it. I'll file for divorce tomorrow, don't make this hard and don't use Alex against me. I'm his dad, and I will see him. As far as the baby, I think it's best I'm not involved...I wouldn't be the father it needs right now. I of course will pay whatever I have to, I wouldn't leave you in a bind like that. Ill be living in the next town over, so I'll pick Alex up until he can drive, you don't have to worry about driving him. Please understand this is the best thing to do. I hope you understand." Eli's face was blank, no emotion on it whatsoever. It reminded me of the first time we broke up in high school, when I had questioned if he had ever loved me at all. He had the same look on his face as he does now, a look of nothing.

"It? You just called her, it? This is a baby, our baby! Alex is our son, and we are married! How in the world are we not a family, we are! We are a family going through a rough time, a hard time. We are a broken family, but a family! Always and Forever, does that not mean a god damn thing to you Eli? I cant take you staring at me like that, its sick. I need you now, don't you bail on me. Don't you dare, because despite what you think in your deluded head right now I never have and never would bail on you, on this family. This life we have built from the ground up. Do you remember Eli, do you remember the beginning? Do you remember running over my glasses in the Degrassi parking lot, and how when our eyes met we both felt this draw to each other? We were, and are, so different but we have always fit. Remember prom, remember our wedding, remember when the twins were born? Don't forget everything because you're hurting. I'm hurting too, she was my daughter. She was my baby." Eli showed a flash of concern for me for a moment, and he wiped a tear from my cheek. He pulled me to his chest and wrapped his arms around me, and I returned the embrace. After a few minutes he let go, and walked over to Julia with me following behind him.

"You know, she really was so much stronger than any of us Clare." He pulled out a picture of us and the kids at Christmas time, and placed it under her hands. The tears came to me again, like a flood without warning.

"She was Eli, she was so strong." We both turned to look at each other, and his face had turned back to stone. He took a step closer to me, our bodies touching, and he placed his lips on my for head. After a few seconds Eli pulled his lips away, and whispered in my ear.

"I don't love you anymore Clare. I'll send you the paper work soon." He stepped away from me, kissed Julia, and Just like that I watched the love of my life leave me in a funeral home alone with our dead daughter.

**Eli's POV **

I left the love of my life yesterday alone, in tears. Who I have become, isn't someone Clare deserves. Who I have become is a monster. I feel nothing, but pain and sorrow. I'm a coward running away from everything, because I cant handle this. I don't think I'll ever be able to handle waking up in the morning, and seeing an empty chair at the breakfast table. I told Clare I didn't love her, but god I loved her so much. I was pretty much abandoning her and my kids, but I couldn't be a father and a husband to them like this. My mind couldn't think of anything but Julia, and the ache in my chest because she was gone. Today was her funeral, the final goodbye, and I wasn't attending. I was watching from a distance, looking at everyone from behind a tree like a the pussy I was. I could see Blake and Clare holding each other crying, poor kid lost his first love. I knew that feeling all too well. It was in a way ironic that we both lost a Julia. God damn that name was a curse. I noticed Blake walk away from Clare, throwing his hands in the air. She dropped to her knee's, and I was going to run to her and comfort her, but he beat me to it. Drew Torres knelt down beside Clare, and wrapped his arms around her. Alex followed, and they were all in a huddle hugging each other. It was sick, but honestly Drew was probably better for them than I was at this point.

"Julia forgive me, I am weak without you."

_"Your subtleties, they strangle me. I cant explain myself at all, and all the wants and all the needs, All I don't want to need at all. The walls start breathing, my minds unweaving. Maybe it's best you leave me alone." All American Rejects It Ends Tonight_


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't own Degrassi yoooooo. Stop asking ;p**

**Drew's POV**

It had been months since Clare's daughter had passed on, and I was finally seeing some life in her again. So much had changed, for everyone. Clare and Eli sold their house, and he had moved to the next town over. Clare and Alex had moved in with me and Blake, she of course kept her distance from me. I felt like every day we became closer, and anything was better than nothing. She only moved in because she needed help during her pregnancy, but I was feeling things start to change. The boy's had bonded so much these last two months, and they were really helping each other to deal with the loss of Julia. We all sat at the table for dinner, and Clare even came to support us during games, it was basketball season now. I had never been so happy in my life, I felt like this was the way it should have always been. Clare, me, and our kids.

"Drew, do you think you can take the boy's to school tomorrow? I have an appointment." Clare was standing in my door way with a towel on her head, god she was so beautiful.

"Of course Clare, I can drop the boy's off and then meet you there if you'd like?" The smile on my face made it so obvious how happy I was, and I didn't mind. I wanted her to see how happy she made me.

"Oh Drew, that would be lovely. I really appreciate you helping me with Alex, it's been hard being a single parent. After everything you and I have been through, I don't deserve your help. Especially after Eli beat you up, I shouldn't have left you like that. This means the world to me, it truly does. When Julia was gone, you held me when I cried, and you opened your home to me. I cant ever repay you." She flashed me a thankful grin.

"I told you I will always be here, you can send me away as many times as you want, but I wont ever go to far. I know you are just living here because you need help, but one day Clare I hope that you can see a life with me isn't so bad. I love you, and I know you love me, and before you say anything you don't have to say it back. Just know I'm always here."

"Drew Alex adores you, and I love Blake. I am happy here but I don't know that I can really do this, that I can be with you in that way. Not even a year ago I had a family with Eli, and we had had many years of love and laughter together. You don't let go of that in a few months, if even ever." Clare had come over and sat down beside me on my bed, she looked so sad. I could tell she didn't want to hurt me.

"I wont go on about what an ass hole your soon to be ex husband is, and how much he doesn't deserve you, but I will say I understand. Let's just take this one day at a time Clare. I love you and the boy's, and this baby. If Eli isn't going to be here, I will. I'll take care of both of you. Always." I started to lean in to kiss her, and to my surprise so did Clare. When our lips were about to meet Clare's phone started to vibrate, and she pulled back.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this."

"It's Eli?" I sounded harsh, and cold.

"Yes. It's _him_."

Clare answered and quickly walked into another room, leaving me alone again. Trying to steal her from Eli, even when they weren't together, was the hardest task I had ever faced. Every time I got close, he did something to pull her away from me. I was a fool for trying, and I knew it. But I didn't mind being a fool, as long as I was hers.

**Clare's POV**

I had left Drew yet again for something Eli related, but I had to take his call. Eli hadn't contacted me in two months except to talk about Alex, or our Divorce. I needed to hear his voice, I need something to get me through the night, because every second without him was like a burning in my chest. I did my best to act happy, and make Alex feel like he was in a happy family environment, but I was miserable. On top of missing my daughter, I was missing my husband. I had begged so much, but been rejected or ignored each time. I didn't care if I answered the call and he expressed his hate for me, as long as he was talking to me. It was a sick game I was playing, but it was the only game I had to play. I was out of options. Completely losing contact with Eli, wasn't even a thought I could really process. He was my drug, and I'd never give him up if I had a choice.

"Hello."

"Hi, Clare." His voice was different, unusually warm.

"Uhm, the papers haven't come in yet. I'll sign them as soon as they do don-" Eli cut me off before I could finish.

"I don't wanna talk about the stupid papers. I know it's late, but can you meet me somewhere? I need to talk to you."

"Are you ok, Eli?" I was in disbelief.

"Yes, just come. Please." He sounded desperate. I thought about Drew sitting in his room alone, and I wanted to tell Eli Hell no. I couldn't though, never could I tell him no. It was always yes with him.

"Where do you want to meet?"

"Degrassi."

**Eli's POV**

I was sitting in Morty 2, the exact replica of the original, listening to the radio, trying to gather my thoughts. Every song that came on seemed to be one of mine and Clare's. I was a wreck, I hadn't slept or ate in I don't know how long, and I smelled. Every time I closed my eyes I could see Julia's disappointed face, and I wanted to scream because I knew she was right. Julia wouldn't want any of this, and I didn't for that matter. I had barley seen my son, and I was letting my mortal enemy take care of my wife and baby. I was divorcing Clare Edwards, my dream girl. If the Eli from High school could see how I've handled things he'd be sourly disappointed in me. Clare was so forgiving, but forgiving me for leaving her and our kids when they needed me most, that was something I didn't think she could forgive. I know I'd never forgive myself, but I know Julia would never forgive me if I didn't fight for my family back. I called Clare, and to my surprise she agreed to meet me at Degrassi. It started rain and I felt bad that she was driving in the rain. I was about to call her and make sure she was ok when her car pulled up next to mine. I immediately got out of my car and opened her door.

"Clare get in my car!" Even screaming I wasn't sure she could hear me over the rain, but she got inside my car. I walked around and got back in my seat. We were both there only inches from each other, soaking wet, and I couldn't speak. How could I fix all the damage I have done?

"Eli, it's fucking late. I'm pregnant, and I'm wet. What do you want." Her face was blank, and angry at the same time. I didn't know what to say but I just said the only thing I ever knew to be true when it came to Clare.

"I love you." Almost like a knee jerk reaction I closed to space between us and kissed her. I ran my hands though her hair, and all over her body. It was intoxicating, and exhilarating. She began to kiss me back, and our lips were moving in sink, our tongues fighting for dominance. I started to move my kisses down to her neck, and when I came back to her lips I pulled away and look in her eyes. Our noses were touching, and we were both panting. I rubbed circles around her temples with my thumbs, and I stared at her soaking her in. A tear ran down her cheek, and then she slapped me. I immediately brought my hand to my face in pain.

"What the hell Clare!" I was fuming.

"Eli don't, don't show up here of all places in a Morty look alike and think you can kiss me, and erase everything you've done! You have left me pregnant and alone! You left the job of raising this baby and Alex to Drew, the person you hate more than anyone!" Her hands were balled in fists, and I was half worried she was going to punch me next.

"Clare just listen to me, I've had my reasons! It isn't all so black and white, hear me out." I was desperate for her to understand, for her to listen to me. I reached my hand out to grab hers, and she swatted it away.

"Screw your reasons. Do you know that I've cried myself to sleep every night not only for my daughter, but for my husband. I have curled up in a ball, shaking in pain. Each time I cried your name, I prayed to God you'd burst in and hold me. You never came Eli, you never came!" Her face had turned from anger to pain, and she was crying.

"Clare I am so sorry, but this hasn't been easy for me either! I haven't been eating, or sleeping. I have been a complete depressed drunk, how could I let you and the kids be around me like this! I know I have been wrong, being away from you and our children has only made me worse, I shouldn't have gone away! But cant you see that I did it out of love, I wasn't trying to hurt you. I have been trying to save you, Alex, and our new baby from further pain!" My eyes were huge with desperation, I didn't know that I'd ever be able to make her understand.

"You said you didn't love me anymore."

Her hands were shaking, and again I went to grab them. This time Clare didn't swat me away, and I enclosed my hands around hers to keep them from shaking. "I lied."

"No, no. You have told me in detail how much you hate me, how much you blame me for Julia getting Cancer, how much you regret meeting me, ho-"

"Clare shut up. None of that is true. I love you, just as much as I always have. You cant control your heart, and my heart has always wanted you. There isn't any kind of logic to it. Sometimes people just meet, and they fall in love. I met you, and I fell in love with the beautiful and smart Clare Edwards. There has never been any turning back since then, not for me Clare. I'd do anything to protect you, even if that meant leaving you, but I am selfish. I'm too selfish to stay away from you anymore."

"Eli do you know how much you have hurt me?" Her eyes were blood shot from crying so much, I hated myself for causing this.

"Clare I probably will never understand it fully, but if it's anything compared to the pain ive felt these last few months, then I know it's pretty bad. If you can forgive me, if you can forgive me one more time, I promise I wont ever hurt you again. I will spend every day of the rest of my life making this up to you, and our kids. I'm at your mercy Clare, I always have been. I had to move towns just to make myself stay away from you, and even then I found myself driving passed your house contemplating going in. Please Clare, say you haven't given up on me, please."

"Us Goldsworthy's always stick together, don't count on me ever giving up on you Eli." She cracked a smile, and my heart melted.

"So what does this mean now? We sold our house, and moved in different places. I mean it may take a day or two but I'm sure we can find a house somewhere near the school." The smile on my face was huge, I was on top of the world for the first time in so long. I knew Julia would be so happy.

"Eli, I don't know if I want to move so soon." Her smile faded.

"What do you mean? You cant stay there living with Drew. I wont allow that. I cant believe you even moved in there in the first place." I paused for a second when a thought crossed my mind. "Clare. Has anything happened between you two? I need to know. I believe you that before at Degrassi he kissed you, but you two have been living with each other for a little while now. I would understand if something did happen, but I need to know weather or not it did." I was afraid of her answer and regretted asking the question.

"No, I love you too much to be with anyone else. You have forever Emotionally fucked me. If I'm not with you, I cant ever be with anyone else."

"Truth be told I like it that way, but you know its the same for me Clare. That's why I need you and our son out of there now."

"Eli, you're hadly in a position to be making any demands. I'm worried that you wont stay sober, this baby and Alex are going to need you there 100 percent. No more feeling sad and sorry for ourselves, Julia would not have wanted that." A hint of pain flickered across Clare's face when she said Julia's name, we were both forever scarred.

"I know that now Clare, and I promise I will shower, eat, and stop drinking. You three are my world, I wont let you down." I said this with a bit of humor, she seemed enjoy me lightening the mood.

"Ok, then. We can look for a place tomorrow." She flashed me that beautiful smile my way, and I felt like I was in heaven.

"Thank you so much Clare. I can't promise you I'll be perfect, but I can promise you I will be the best I can be. You have always been an Angel, and if Drew is right about anything, it's that I have never deserved you."

"Eli, that isn't true." She looked annoyed.

"No, it is. And that's ok, because I love you more than him. I love you more than anyone ever has, or ever will. If I could do anything in life over again, it would be theses last few months. I belong with you. I should have known I couldn't ever really stay away from you."

"Eli, I love you for all that you are, all that you have ever been, and all that you will ever be. I belong with you, Always.

"Forever Clare."

_"I know you don't think that I am trying. I know you're wearing thin down to the core. But hold your breath because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, over again don't make me change my mind, or I wont live to see another day I swear It's true."_ -Secondhand Serenade Fall For You

**So I have some ideas, but truthfully I think I'm getting a case of writers block. Depending on yall's feedback I'll be deciding weather or not to end this story here or go further. If you guys say to keep going I will, if not the story shall end here. I appreciate you guys who have viewed, and reviewed. I love each of you so much! Love, Rie xoxo**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello Friends :-) Please Enjoy this, and thank you for the mad love.**

**Clare's POV**

Eli and I said our goodbye's so that I could explain to Drew that I was leaving. Before I got in my car Eli noticed my worried expression, and squeezed my hand.

"You can do this Clare, It's a hard thing for me to swallow, but I know you care about him. If he really does love you the way he say's, he will understand."

"Thank you Eli, for always saying exactly what I need to hear. I love you, and I'm sorry but I have to do this alone."

"I know baby. I love you too Clare, go take care of what you need to take care of. I'll be waiting for you when you're done." I kissed him goodbye, and got in my car. The whole way to Drew's I cried. How could I tell him I was leaving, when I knew how much it would hurt him. I thought of so many ways to explain it to him, but each scenario ended with me stabbing him in the heart. When I finally arrived to what had been my home for the the last two months, I was frozen. It took several minutes before I could walk inside. When I finally opened the door to the house he was sitting in the living room with that angry look on his face that he had had on when I left to meet Eli. When I opened my mouth the speak, he cut me off.

"Don't say it Clare, don't say what I think you're going to say. I swear to god if you say it, I'll go crazy." Drew Stood up from the couch and walked towards me, only inches away now.

"Drew this is my husband, the father of my children. It's Eli..."

Drew threw his hands in the air. "You know what this is Clare? Its fuckin bull shit. So what? What excuse is any of that for what he's done to you! Being Eli, isn't an excuse for disserting you and the kids for months! This time I thought you'd be smart enough to realize you don't need to be with someone like that Clare. You have spent almost 20 years with someone who doesn't deserve you! What is it that Eli has ever done for you to make you so crazy when it comes to him? It doesn't make since, it's twisted Clare. Wake up."

"It's not crazy Drew. Eli isn't the villain you always make him out to be. He has always been by my side. Through my cancer, through everything. This time was different though. Have you ever lost a child, have you ever had to feel like someone was literally cutting a piece of you out with a knife! You have no idea what Eli and I have gone through, losing someone like this can make you do things you wouldn't normally do. You wouldn't understand."

"I do. I know that pain, it's the pain I felt when I lost Adam! It's the pain I feel everyday he isn't here! It's the pain I'm going to feel if you walk out that door right now Clare. I know this wasn't ever a relationship, but I'm not crazy, you wanted to kiss me before Eli called you and fucked everything up like he always does. Things have changed since you moved in here, I felt it and you feel it too. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me Clare. Tell me!"

"I love you Drew! When Eli cheated on me with Lenore in New York, I felt like nothing. I told you I didn't feel good enough for him, and you told me not to dare ever say that again. Every time I've ever needed you, you have always been there. Every time I have ever felt down, you have lifted me up. You are my best friend, and you always will be. I am so proud of you, and how you've made something of yourself. You proved everyone wrong, including Eli. You raised an amazing son on your own without Bianca's help, and in the darkest time of my life you have been by my side when you didn't have to be. It took me so long to admit it to myself, but I do love you Drew. How could I not? But I love him more. I love him in a magical, and unconditional way Drew. I can't live without him, I cant do it. Don't hate me please, but I just cant. You may never be able to understand it, I cant understand it myself, but it's just what my heart wants. There isn't any kind of reasoning to it, and I know that this explanation isn't enough for you, but it's all I've got Drew." I was standing in front of Drew breathless, and scared of what he'd say next, when Alex walked in.

"Mom? What's going on? I heard shouting."

I hesitated on weather or not to tell him just yet, but it was time for the both of us to go back home where we belonged, with Eli. "Baby, get your stuff we're leaving."

"What the hell, why?" Alex had an unusually harsh tone with me, it took me and minute to respond to him. "Spit it out mom."

"We're going to stay with dad Alex, get your stuff now." His face turned hard, and I could hardly recognize him."

"Dad? Who's that? Because last time I checked that wasn't Eli Goldsworthy. Julia would be disgusted with him, just the way I am. If anyone's been a father to me it's been Drew!" Drew's head shot up, and he shared a look of understanding with Alex. I wasn't pleased with my son the way Drew obviously was.

"Shut your Mouth Alex Adam Goldsworthy, your father has raised you! You're more like him than you think, when something goes wrong you both wanna give up. This family has gone through so much, but we cant just give up. We have to work together to fix what's broken Alex, don't shut your dad out when all he wants is for us to come home so that we can stop running and fix this. Julia of all people would be defending your father, you know that so don't use her to justify the way you're acting." Alex laughed in my face, and I felt my heart break a little more.

"I'm not using her for anything, if anything dad has been using her as an excuse to get out of my life! Julia has always been his favorite twin, they got each other. Dad doesn't understand me, and never has. I'm not the faggot theater arts performer kid he wanted. You can do what you want, but I'm not leaving. I'm staying here. If that's ok with you Drew?" Drew nodded his head, and flashed Alex a quick smile.

"Alex I can't leave you here, don't do this. Don't push us out, we're your parents. We love you." I was desperate to hold on to him, I couldn't lose him too.

"I'm going to my room with my brother Blake, and in the morning the guy who actually wants to parent us is going to take us to morning basketball practice. I'm going to stay here where there's an actual family. I cant be around you and dad's unstable shit you have going on." I threw my hand over my mouth to hold in a sob as I watched my son walk back up the stairs, away from me. Drew had a sympathetic look on his face, and when Alex had reached the top of the stairs he grabbed my hand.

"I'm sorry he was so harsh, I'll talk to him for you. It's going to be ok Clare."

"Fuck you Drew. How could you sit there and let him think it was ok to stay!"

"Because it is, I love that kid and you know that. I understand him not wanting to be around his sorry excuse for a father. When you're ready to realize that too, we will be here waiting for you."

I threw my hand across his face, I had been slapping a lot of people lately. I didn't feel any guilt for it either, he had lit a fire under me not many people could. "Don't fuck with me Drew. I may have told you I loved you, but make no mistake I don't love you nearly as much as I do my family. I wont let you use my son to get to me, you're crossing a line. He can stay here tonight, I don't want to upset him any further, but you can bet your ass he's coming home to our _family_ tomorrow. Mine and Eli's. I'll get my stuff later tomorrow, I cant stand to look at you right now. You talk so much about Eli and his faults, but have you ever stopped to look at yourself?" Drew stood in front of me with a pained expression on his face, and a red cheek. I didn't care though, I had to set things right. After so much tragedy, it was time I put my family back together."

**Eli's POV**

It had been two hours since Clare left me in the Degrassi parking lot to move out of my sworn enemy's house. It was all so fucked up. The longer she took, the more I started to think she had changed her mind. I started to imagine terrible images of Clare and Drew together, when finally the door swung open. Clare ran to me throwing her arms around my neck, sobbing.

"Clare, what the hell is wrong! Where is Alex?" She pulled away from me and walked over to shut the door.

"He doesn't want to come. He said such awful things Eli, I feel like we've lost him too. What else can I take." My wife had been through so much, I didn't know what to do to take her pain away, but I had to try. I walked over to Clare and wrapped my arms around her, she was dead weight in my arms. She had no strength left. I picked her up bridal style in my arms, and I carried her to my bedroom. I set her down on the bed, and sat next to her.

"Tell me what he said." She looked down at her hands, not wanting to answer me. "Clare please, what did he say? I cant take it, I told you I'm not going anywhere anymore."

"He said that you were an ass hole, and that Drew has been more of a parent to him than you. He said that you always loved Julia more because she was so much like you, and he isn't. I tried Eli, I tried to get him to understand that we love him but he didn't want to hear any of it." Clare began to cry again.

"Alex is right, I haven't been here like I should have been since Julia died. But he's wrong, I love him just as much. I'll talk to him tomorrow. He's going to come home Clare, I promise. I'm his dad, not Drew." My voice had a rough edge to it when I said Drew's name, and I could see the stressed look it caused Clare.

"Eli. For a moment can we lay here? Can we lay here and pretend that we're in high school, laying in the back of Morty without a care in the world." I gave her a sympathetic look, and pulled her into my arms.

"There's nothing that I'd want more." After an hour of laying there in silence, I felt something move against my stomach. "Clare. Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes, it's her. It's our baby. She hasn't been moving lately, I'm surprised but glad she's kicking. She must feel how happy mommy is." I smiled, and held her closer.

"I'm so sorry I haven't been here, I'll never let you go again Clare Goldsworthy."

"Please Don't, Elijah." Her voice was so little, she had such a big wall up still.

"I wont, not ever again. Everyday I've spent with you, has been the best day of my life Clare. I never could have predicted that we would have come so far from our day's in English class, to this, but I am so grateful that we have. I have made so many mistakes, and each time you forgive me with such grace. You love me so unconditionally, so beautifully. I was lost after we lost our daughter, but I want you to know that not even for a second did I not love you. When you were with Jake, when I was in New York, when you were with Drew, I always loved you. I have always loved you, and each time I have messed up it's been because of my own issues, never because of you. I just need you to know that, and to understand that you're the most amazing, smart, and beautiful wife and mom. I just wish I could be even close to something that you deserve. I'll spend forever trying to be. Forever trying to make up for my mistakes."

"You give yourself no credit Eli. We have spent 16 years of marriage together, raising our children together. You changed their diapers, and taught them to be amazing people. Alex may not remember all of that right now, but eventually he will. I have made so many mistakes that you have forgiven too. I'm not perfect either. It doesn't matter what you do, I will never give up on you. I will never not love you, for better or worse remember?"

I exhaled a sigh of pure bliss. "I do."

"You are the most imperfectly perfect _thing _of a person I have ever met, and you're mine. No matter what happens, as long as I'm with you, I know I can get through anything. No matter what, I'm here to stay. We're a fairy tale, remember?" She chuckled a little, and it made me happy to here her laugh again.

"I Love you Mrs. Goldsworthy."

"I love you Mr. Goldsworthy."

"You and the baby need to get some rest Clare, we have a big day tomorrow. We not only have to get our baby boy, but we have to check up on our little girl too."

Clare's eye's widened, and she tilted her head up to look at me. "How did you know I had an appointment tomorrow?"

"I called the hospital, and since I'm your husband they didn't mind giving me the information I needed. Do you really think I wasn't going to make sure you were ok Clare? I'm always going to make sure you're taken care of _Blue Eyes, _Now get some rest." Clare fell asleep in my arms, and for the first time In months I slept like a baby.

_"No, I just wanna hold you. Give a little time to me, I'll burn this out, we'll pay hide and seek to turn this around. All I want is the taste that your lips allow. My, my, my, my, oh give me love. Give me love like never before, cause lately I've been craving more. And it's been a while, but I still feel the same." - Ed Sheeran Give Me Love_

**Love Always, Rie xoxo**


	14. Chapter 14

**Clare's POV**

I woke up in the morning to the sweet smell of Eli, and the sound of his music playing. I sat up from the bed and followed the sound to the bathroom, when I opened the door Eli was brushing his teeth with his favorite pink tooth brush.

"Good Morning husband." The smile on my face was wide, and the tone of my voice giddy. Sometimes you don't realize how miserable you were, until you experience true happiness again. Eli was my true happiness.

"Good Morning wife." He smiled at me with the tooth brush in his mouth, it was a breathtaking sight. "I have breakfast on the table for you and our little girl. Remember today is a day of change, we have a lot to do, and a lot to make up for. Eat and get dressed we leave to your appointment in 30 minutes."

"Yes drill sergeant, sir." I put my hand up to salute him, and he laughed pulling my hand down by my side.

"I love you Clare. I just want this day to be good and productive, it's time we start to live again."

"I agree, Ill go eat." I left Eli to his teeth brushing, and headed to the kitchen. In the back of my mind I was worried that this good day, would turn out to be a disaster. All I could think about was Alex, there was no way I could let him stay there with Drew. If he tried to turn us away again I'd be devastated. As I threw away my food, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Sometimes it was like Eli could read my mind.

"What's wrong Clare? I know you're upset, I can feel it. Are you having second thoughts about this? All I want is for you to be happy, if you want me to take you back to Drew-"

"Eli stop. Never think that way, it's you and only you. I'm just worried about our son. What If he doesn't want to come back with us? You didn't hear him yesterday, the tone of his voice was so cold, he was so different." My voice cracked on the last word.

"Clare he doesn't have much of a choice, he's not even 16 yet. Don't worry about it." Eli's eye's squinted the way they always did when he got frustrated.

"Eli I want him to want to come with us, I don't want our son to be unhappy with us. He used to be happy with us."

It will all fall in place, just don't worry. Ok? Everything will be fine _Blue eyes_." Eli was sweeping everything under the rug, like always.

"Ok. If you say so." The annoyance in my voice was obvious.

"I do say so, now go get dressed. We have a princess to check on." He smiled at me, and just like every time he flashed his smile my way, I forgot why I was even worried in the first place.

I made my way to the bedroom, and just as I had thought he would, Eli had some of my clothes hung up in his closet from our old house. I found an old black maternity dress I had worn when I was pregnant with the twins, and I put it on. It was a surreal feeling. I walked back into the kitchen where Eli was reading a newspaper.

"I'm ready to go Eli." He looked up at me with a humble expression on his face, I knew the dress was taking him back in time too.

**Eli's POV**

I was sitting beside Clare in the doctors office watching our baby girl moving around on the screen. Clare insisted on the 3D shit, and at first I thought it was unnecessary, but seeing my baby's face so clearly changed that thought. She looked so much like Julia had when she was a baby. Almost as to echo my own thoughts Clare told the doctor, "She look's so much like our older daughter Julia. Is she healthy?"

"She is very healthy Mrs. Goldsworthy, no need to worry." After a few minutes of him writing things down on a clip board, the doctor spoke again. "I'll go ahead and let you get dressed, you two have a good day and I'll see you in a few weeks." I was happy everything was fine, Clare needed to hear positive things.

When the doctor left the room I sat there in silence watching Clare, she was amazing. I didn't think we were going to have anymore children a year ago, but now I couldn't imagine not having this baby. I felt regretful for taking it for granted, and missing out on the last couple of months.

"What's on your mind Eli?" She knew me inside out.

"I was just think how beautiful you are, and how lucky I am to have you Clare."

"Then why do you look so sad? You know you can talk to me."

"I'm just upset because I missed out on months of this. I'm not even sure I have a right to be here right now, how could I have bailed like that? When our baby scrunched her nose on the screen she looked just like Julia did when she was a baby. How could I abandon something so beautiful and innocent, I'm ashamed and I'm sorry. I'll be sorry for the rest of my life Clare."

"Eli, I forgive you. Don't spend the rest of the rest of this pregnancy regretting what you missed, spend it enjoying what you haven't missed. I love you, and so will Paris."

"Paris?" I walked up to Clare to close the space between us.

"Yes, I started calling her that last month. I hope you aren't upset, I just really like it. It's sort of symbolic of when I had cancer, and I couldn't attend the trip with Alli and Jenna to Paris. Our baby will be just as beautiful as anything I would have seen on that trip."

"No, its beautiful. I like it. One day I promise to take you Clare, I remember how much you wanted to go."

"It's ok Eli. As long as I have this Paris, I don't need another. Of course, If you ever do decided to take me I wont object." I had to take her.

"So Paris Goldsworthy? I cant wait to meet her."

"Paris Julia Goldsworthy?" Clare gave me an unsure look.

"No Clare, no way. We're not going there, that name is cursed. Everyone I love with that name dies, just no. We can't." My heart started to race, and I became panicky.

"Eli, Julia did not die because of her name. I think Paris would love to have a part of her sister attached to her name." Clare grabbed my hands together like she always did to calm me down, it wasn't working.

"Clare Julia always resented being compared to or associated with someone else, I want this baby to feel like her own person. She will always have a part of her sister with her, but not in that way. Please understand!" I hated when I lost my cool like this around Clare.

"I do. If not Julia, what should her middle name be?"

"Thank you for being understanding, I'm sorry I freaked out. What about Paris Belle Goldsworhty. It's French for beautiful, I think it's fitting." A gave her a weak smile, hoping she wasn't mad.

"I think so too Eli. I love you, I understand." I put my hands on Clare's stomach and bent down to talk to our baby.

"I cant wait to meet you Paris Belle Goldsworthy. We love you so much, you're going to have the best life." Clare bent her head down, and kissed me on the head. That moment was perfect, we were only missing one thing.

"Are you ready to go get our son Eli?"

"Yeah, yeah I am. Clare I'm going to drop you off at the house, I need to do this alone." My face turned serious again and I walked towards the door.

"What do you mean alone? He's my son too, and I don't think it's a good idea for you to get him alone. He isn't exactly happy with you right now. It might upset him." She was in mom mode.

"That's the problem right there. We cant just keep saying "oh Alex is upset so let's further upset him" No. I am his father, and he needs to remember that. He needs to deal with his emotions not ignore them, trust me. Just because we are different in some ways doesn't mean we're different in all ways. I love my son, and I pay attention to him. I always have. I know what I need to do. I need to fix things with me and him, just us two. Please trust me?"

"With everything I have, I do."

"Then let's go Clare." She grabbed my hand, and I looked into her blue eyes before we walked out of the doctors office, and I knew it was all going to be ok. God Damn sometimes I swore those eyes could speak to me.

_"If you believe that everything's alright, you wont be all alone tonight. And I'd be blessed by the light of your company, slowly lifting me to somewhere new."-_ Mayday Parade Stay


	15. Chapter 15

**Eli's POV**

I sat outside of Drew's house, wondering what I'd say when I walked in, how my son would react. Each time in my mind Alex would run to me with open arms, and I'd hold him like I did when he was little. I knew it wasn't going to be easy though, there had always been a wall between Alex and I. We never understood each other, but I never loved him any less than Julia. Alex being in Drew's house killed me inside. Drew had tried to take every thing from me every chance he's ever gotten, but I wouldn't let him take my son. Not ever again. I walked up to the front door and turned the knob, it was unlocked. As I made my way inside Blake was walking down the stairs. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he stopped, noticing me, and his face turned hard.

"Mr. Goldsworthy, what are you doing here?" He was always so polite.

"I came to get Alex, is he upstairs?"

"No sir, he he's in the back with my dad practicing."

"I see." I could feel the jealousy radiating off of me, and I Blake as well. "How are you doing? I know I haven't go the chance to talk to you since, you know."

Blake's face turned into pained expression, one I could only all too well understand. "I'm not ok sir, but I will be one day. I have to be."

"Blake, thank you. I know I treated you unfair when we first met, but you proved me wrong. You took care of my baby, until the end. There is no way I will ever be able to repay you, you're a good kid. I want you to know, no matter how I feel about your father, I'll always be a phone call away if you ever need anything."

"That means a lot sir, I loved her. I truly did. Thank you for allowing me the time I got to experience with her at the end. She was an amazing person, and she loved you very much sir."

It was hard to choke out a response to him, sometimes I didn't think the pain would ever go away. "I know, thanks. And you can call me Eli by the way."

"Alright, Eli." Blake smiled.

"Well, I'm going to head out back, wish me luck."

"Before you go, know that Alex loves you. Even if he doesn't say it, he does. My dad, he can be a really good guy. Sometimes though, he can manipulate people in ways you wouldn't think he could."

"Trust me, I know. You're right though, your dad can be a good guy. He always has been, at times he can even remind me of your uncle Adam. We all have our flaws, but your dad loved you too Blake." Blake hesitantly nodded, and I felt bad for him. I didn't want my son to question how I felt about him the way Blake questioned the way his father felt about him. After I said goodbye I headed to the back door holding on to the words Blake said about Alex loving me, It was all I had right now. When I opened the back door I could see Alex and Drew throwing the football to each other, I should of been doing that with him not Drew.

"Son!" Alex turned his head my way in shock, and the ball flew passed his head. After a few moments of staring at me he picked up the football and walked towards me, with Drew trailing behind him.

"Dad what are you doing here?" Clare warned me Alex was upset, but I wasn't expecting this kind of hate in his eyes.

"I came to get you son. What are you doing? You know this isn't your home." I was trying to keep my voice calm, I didn't want to do anything to further push him away.

"My home? That's here, with Drew. This is where I belong dad."

"No it isn't, you belong with me and your mother, that's where you've always belonged."

Alex confusingly looked to Drew, and then back to me. "No it isn't."

"Your family is with us, weather you like it or not, I'm not giving you a choice Alex." My tone was a little harsher, and I could feel myself about to have an episode. To keep from doing so I thought of Clare, and how badly she wanted Alex to willingly come home.

"No, fuck you. How dare you! I wanted you dad, my whole life I've always wanted you! Every second of Julia's funeral I just wanted you to come to me, and tell me it was going to be ok, no one else but you! But where were you? No where to be found! Where were you when I was stressed out about Football tryouts? You were practicing lines with Julia every single night, for her dumb play!" Alex was breathless and he had tears streaming down his face, I hadn't known the damage I had really done to him until now. He was broken in so many ways, and it was all my fault.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I messed up. I wasn't there the way I should have been son, but it was only because I didn't know how to be. It was easy with your sister, everything she was doing I had done before. I had no idea what to tell you to do the prepare for your tryouts, and I had no idea what kind of shoes you were supposed to wear to practice, or when it was hunting season, Hell, I don't even really know how to hunt. And I certainly didn't think you wanted me of all people there when your sister died. I didn't know son, I didn't know. There's so much I just didn't know."

"You didn't have to know any of that, you just had to be there dad. You should have just been there, you just had to care, you just had to try. I hate you fro not trying!" Alex was crying, and he was pulling his hair in frustration. He reminded me of myself when I had an episode.

"You're right Alex, Its my job to be there as your dad. I want to start trying to be better at being your dad. When you were born I promised I'd always protect you from everything, and I've failed at that. I love you, and I'm sorry. If you please just come home, I promise I'll do everything I can to make it up to you. Please, son don't give up on me." I could see him wanting to give in, to come back with me. Drew could see it too, so he spoke up. "Eli, you heard Alex he isn't going. You abandoned him, he isn't so weak as to give into your lies."

"That's not for you to decide Torres, I'm tired of your shit. For the sake of your son inside, I'm not going to kick your ass again." Drew was standing behind Alex with an amused expression on his face.

"Bring it Goldsworthy, I promise it wont end well for you this time."

"Test me Drew. He isn't your son, you have your own inside. He's the one you should be out here throwing the ball with. Take care of yours, and I'll take care of mine." My face was hard and serious, my mouth in a line.

"Yeah like you've been taking care of your wife for the last few months? Oh, wait that's been me right?" I wanted to lunge for Drew so bad, to beat his face to pulp, but I could see Alex's face, he didn't want any of this.

"Fuck you Drew. Alex, come on. Please." He looked so lost.

"Dad I don't know."

I put my hand out for Alex to take. "Come on son, please. I love you, let's go back to your mom." To my surprise Alex took my hand, and I pulled him to a hug putting my hand on the back of his head holding him close to my chest. " I will never leave you again son, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"I love you to dad." Alex pulled away from me, and turned away around to look at Drew. "I'm sorry Mr. Torres, thank you for everything. I need to go home, I hope you can understand. Thank you for everything, I hope you're not mad." Drew looked defeated.

"Yeah, uhm, it's ok. Any time kid, if you change your mind you know you can always come back, you and your mom." Alex nodded and I pulled him towards to back door. "Son, go to the car I'll be right there."

"Are you sure dad?"

"Yes trust me." Alex nodded and left. I turned around to face Drew. "Torres."

"Goldsworthy."

"Thanks, for watching him while I couldn't I appreciate it." Drew raised an eye brow and took a step closer to me.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes I am. Don't get confused though, I hate you with every fiber in my being. I'm not playing games, and I'm making empty threats, don't fuck with my wife or kid anymore or you will have hell to pay. Do you understand?" Drew walked up to me, and we were chest to chest.

"I understand that you're an ungrateful bitch, and that you forget that every thing has been your fault. Your family came to me, not the other way around. And they will come back the moment you screw up again."

"Your brother would be so disappointed in who you are."

"Don't you ever dare fucking tell me how my brother would feel about me, you weren't around much when he died now were you Goldsworthy?"

"Adam was my best friend, Clare had cancer you idiot. I was a little busy at the time, don't blame me for not being there. That isn't even what this is about, just stay away from my wife." I turned away from Drew and walked away towards the door.

"Eli, before you go, you should know Clare loves me. This isn't like every time I've ever said it before, she told me her self. Now that I know without a doubt she loves me, I cant walk away from her." I stayed facing the door, I felt like my heart fell out of my chest. There was no way that could be true. I didn't say a word to Drew I opened the door, walked through the house, and made my way into the drivers side of my car. Alex looked at me, concerned.

"What took so long? Is everything ok?"

"Yeah it's fine, don't worry about it we were just talking." As I started to drive I could see Alex staring out the window in the corner of my eye. "Alex, you know you can still hang out with Blake right?"

"Yeah I know, it's not that. I just feel bad for Drew, it's like he's so lonely."

I rolled my eyes. "Listen I don't know what goes on his head, or what it's ever going to take to make him happy but je has his own son to keep him company."

"I guess you're right. It's just when mom was living with us he seemed so happy. He really loves her. I wish he could find that with someone else."

"I see, so she seemed happy while you guy's were living there?"

"I wouldn't say that, just different. Totally different. She laughed different, talked different, it was like I was in an alternate universe where mom was the kind of person to bungee jump, and skydive."

"She did once." I didn't want to say anything to Alex to upset him, but hearing that made me want to go crazy.

"Really? That's pretty cool." I had to change the subject before I lost it thinking about Clare and Drew.

"So your birthdays coming up, the big 16. Are you excited."

"This year I probably wont be doing much celebrating cause, you know, but yeah it's cool." Alex looked at me, and I could see the hurt in his eyes.

"I miss your sister too bud, we'll get through this together as a family. It's still a happy day, you and your sister are a happy thing." I took one of my hands off the wheel and patted his back.

"Thanks dad, I know."

"Tomorrow your mom and I are going house hunting, do you want to go with us?"

Alex smiled at me and nodded his head. I knew it wasn't going to be all smooth sailing, but having him back was good enough for now. I didn't know where Clare's mind was, or what was true and what was a lie, but until I could talk to her, I was just happy to have my boy back.

_"How do I try to explain, when I do he__ turns away again. Its always been the same, the same old story. From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen."-_Cat Stevens Father and Son


	16. Chapter 16

**Eli's POV**

My hands were shaking, and my breathing heavy. I could feel the wind on my face, and hear nothing but the crickets. My son was in bed and my wife in the bath, but I was outside laying in the grass staring up at the stars. This night should be a happy one for me because I haven't had Myself, Clare, or Alex under the same roof in quite some time. Yet, I couldn't help but gaze into the unknown wondering where _she_ was. Wondering weather she was proud of me for today, or angry at me for everything else. Happiness was an understatement when describing how I felt about having Alex and Clare back, but there was still an aching in my heart, a missing factor, a missing Julia. Accepting her death was like trying to put out fire with fire, it just created more fire. When I closed my eyes I could almost feel her next to me, telling me to keep going, telling me to fight for my family. It was so hard to fight for my family when I didn't even know where my wife's head was at. When Alex and I had got home Clare was so happy, and I didn't want to ruin the moment by bringing up Drew, but his words kept echoing in my mind. Our whole lives we've only ever loved each other, to think Clare was professing her love to someone other than me, and just when we were trying to repair our relationship, made me question everything all over again.

"What are you doing out here Eli?" I opened my eyes to see Clare sitting beside me in her favorite yellow pajamas, her hair was dripping wet and she smelled like cherry's. I just gave her a weak smile, I didn't want to ruin anything, but as usual she saw through my façade. "Eli really, talk to me. I don't want to start off this new chapter with any secrets between us."

"Clare. I love you. I have loved you for the greater part of my life, and I have always known you were the one. Forget what anyone else says, I know it was instant, I fell in love with you from that very first moment in the Degrassi parking lot. I have always had faith in us, and there has never been a time when I didn't think we'd make it, because I've always known we loved each other."

"We do. You're not making sense, what is wrong?" She appeared annoyed.

"I cant just say what's wrong, I want you to say it. I want you to tell me what you said. Tell me the truth on your own." I couldn't believe that Clare wasn't going to ever tell me how she feels about Drew, was she just going to keep it to herself forever? Was I fool who only saw what he wanted to see?

"What are you talking about Eli, this isn't the time for you to be playing games." Clare's nose started to wrinkle in the cute way it always did when she was angry, and it tugged at my heart making me want to let it all go, let Drew go.

"Clare I talked to Drew today when I got Alex, and he said you told him that you loved him. That you were in love with him." I kept a calm face and closed my eyes, I didn't want to see her face when she told me she loved someone else.

"Eli." Her voice was soft and I could hear the pity in it. "I did say that I loved him, I cant deny that." I opened my eyes and I stood up turning my body towards the house. I felt Clare's hand on my shoulder and I stiffened, I wanted to shrug her hand off of me. I wanted to make her feel the hurt I was feeling, but I promised her things would be different. Clare noticing the stiffness of my body took her hand off my shoulder, and walked in front of me. I wanted to peel my eyes out of my head, looking at her made me want to kiss her and hurl all at the same time, but I kept the same straight face. "Elijah, don't pull away from me like this. I want you to understand that I wasn't trying to keep anything from you, I love you. I didn't say anything because I didn't think it was a big deal, or that it would effect anything between you and I. I have no desire to be with anyone but you, the way I feel about you is the same as I've always felt."

"How? How can you be saying any of this, it makes no sense to me Clare. You love someone else, that changes everything between us. Why do you love him? Tell me. What is it?" My face was becoming intense, and I had to mentally remind myself to calm down.

"Eli, I love Drew. I think I always have, but there is a difference between the love I have for him, and the love I have for you. I love him, but I am not in love with him. He makes me laugh, and he makes me feel like a kid again, but he does not make me feel like an Eli Goldsworthy does. Eli Goldsworthy steals the breath right from me just by staring at me, when he holds my hand he makes me feel like I'm flying, and when he kisses me he makes my heart race." A tear ran down her cheek.

"Clare, baby, I love you I do, and I meant everything I said about fixing this family, but I cant hear this. I cant pretend I'm ok with what you're telling me, how could you love him. I thought it was you and me, always. Just us. He makes you feel like a kid again? What do I make you feel like? Like a mom, like a wife, like an old lady? What are you even trying to say to me!"

"Just hear me out, please. I have my heart in my hands Eli, it's yours if you will just take it. I am two different people with you two, but I like who I am better when I'm with you. Yes, you make me feel like a mom, and wife. But That is the best feeling in the world. You make me feel like I can do anything in this world when you're by my side, I don't want anyone but you. I don't need Drew, I need you. I need you to know that I'd give up every day I've ever spent with him, for just one with you. I do care about him he's done so much for me, but don't let that change this. You are my husband, not him, and I wouldn't have it any other way. For the rest of my life I just want you beside me Eli Goldsworthy." Her face was begging for some sign that I was understanding, all I wanted was to understand.

"Why did you tell him that, what prompted it?"

"I was trying to tell him goodbye. I was breaking his heart, and I just wanted him to know I cared about him too Eli. He needed something to hold on to, that was it. I promise." I took a step towards her and wiped a tear away from her face.

"I don't want anymore of this back and forth, or this confusion. I need to know that you're in this marriage with me Clare. No more Drew, please, I'm serious about this." Clare put her arms around my waist and rested her head against my chest.

"Eli Goldsworthy...Drew Torres hold a candle to you? I don't think so. It's just you, me, Alex, and Paris."

I looked up to the sky, and I shook my head. "No it isn't."

Clare squeezed me a little tighter, "You're right, it's not."

_"Promise I wont hurt you kid, hold me really tight until the stars look big. Never let me go, all the world is ours. Like they say in the scar face kid, you can push your drugs and I can make it big. Cause baby we were born to live fast, and die young. Born to be bad, have fun. Honey you and me, be one. Just believe, come on. If you love me hardcore then don't walk away. It's a game boy I don't wanna play."-_ Lana Del Ray Never Let Me Go


	17. Chapter 17

**Eli's POV**

Clare was 8 months pregnant, and Alex was nearing the end of the school year. Clare had taken time off work for the rest of the year after we moved into our new house, Mr. Simpson said he understood. Clare and I explained to him that after Julia, and with the pregnancy, she needed time off. While those were true and valid reasons, the real reason was Drew. Clare could never get away from him, he'd follow her in the halls and somehow leave notes in her locked desk. I know it made Clare sad to quit her job, but I was worried about her safety. Degrassi was having their annual sports banquet to recognize its athletes, and Alex was to attend, but I worried about going because of Drew. He would be there to speak on behalf of the football and basketball boys, and I worried about him using this time to try something with Clare. Clare insisted we go though, and I agreed Alex needed us there. Alex had gone through so much this year, more than any 16 year old should have to go through, so Clare and I decided to buy him a car. I knew a car wouldn't change all the bad stuff, but I hoped it would at least boost his spirits a little bit. Alex took off to the banquet, and Clare and I shortly after him. On the drive over to Degrassi Clare took the time as an opportunity to scold me because I was being uptight. At least she thought I was.

"Eli stop being so uptight. This is going to be a very public function, what in the world do you think is going to happen?"

"I don't know Clare maybe we should re-read Drew's letter's about stealing you away and not letting anyone get in his way, cause that's not disturbing at all." My voice was dripping with sarcasm, and I didn't care. "I swear he has a loose fuckin screw up there, something isn't right."

"I admit he has been acting a bit more strange than normal, but he's still Drew. He's harmless."

I never understood why Clare had to see the good in everyone, especial him. "He's still Drew? That's great, I love when you talk about him like he's your bestie babe. Please tell me more about how he's still poor and harmless Drew Torres."

Clare gave me a menacing look and replied to me through gritted teeth. "Don't twist my words, you know what I meant."

"I know, I know I'm sorry." After a few minutes of silence I wanted to relieve the tension in the car so I changed the subject. "So how do these things usually work? I've never been to one, and I know you used to organize them."

"Yeah, its pretty simple. The coaches talk about the season of their particular sport, and some special athletes, then they give out some awards. During all this we eat, clap when our kid comes up, then we take some pictures and go home."

"Sounds, cool. I never thought I'd be a football dad going to something like this. I'm proud of him."

"I'm proud of you Eli, and the effort you've been putting into your relationship with our son." Clare Put her hand on my shoulder, and I smiled at her.

"Well, we're here. Let's go." Clare and I sat in the auditorium watching parents clap for their kids, and coaches give long speeches. When they announced it was the football portion of night the players walked up on stage, along with Drew. "Clare, Clare look. Do you see him? In the black tie, right there!"

"Yes Eli, I see Alex. You cant miss him, calm down sweetheart. You're taking this football dad thing a little too serious, the button wasn't necessary."

"Hey, they were free up at the front. And besides, I am the #1 football dad." Clare giggled, and then we turned our attention to the stage. Drew was standing at the podium with a wide smile on his face. Drew began to speak, and after talking about the good season they had, he called Alex to come stand beside him.

"Alex Goldsworthy is one of the youngest on the team, but he has the biggest heart of any one I've ever coached. He also has the talent to match, and was a huge part of our success this year. At first I didn't know what to do with him, but he finally found his home at the position of Wide Receiver. He caught an outstanding 67 passes, for 1,703 yards(21.8 average) and 15 touch downs. This kid is amazing on and off the field, he's going to do great things in life. He has a real shot at college ball. With that being said he by far deserves the awards he is about to receive. The first for Best Degrassi New Comer of The Year, and a plaque that will be hung up in the school for the record of most yards run in a season at Degrassi High ever." Alex and Drew shook hands, and smiled for a picture. Clare was crying, and I was clapping. It felt so good to see something good happen to my son after everything he'd been through. "Now before you go sit back with your team Alex, I'd like to thank your parents. Clare and Eli Goldsworthy, why don't you come up here and take a picture with us, and the award that you helped your son receive. The Goldsworthy's attended many games, and showed an unbelievable amount of support for the team." I couldn't figure out the angle Drew was trying to play, but I had a feeling it wasn't a good one. None of this made since, due to Julia's illness Clare and I didn't make one football game. Was he trying to rub it our faces somehow? I didn't know what to do, I was frozen in confusion. Clare quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me up on the stage. Clare and I stood on the right side of Alex, and Drew on the left. The photographer snapped a few photos while everyone clapped, then we went back to our seats. Clare excused herself a few moments later, she said she wasn't feeling well. When the banquet was over, I searched for Alex in the crowd.

"Dad, dad! Over here!"

"Alex, what in the world was that about?"

"I don't know it was out of no where, I haven't even talked to him since I moved out." Alex looked worried.

"It seemed off to me too son, I'll get to the bottom of it. Until schools out just make sure you keep your distance from him as much as possible, please."

"No worries dad, where's mom?"

"Sorry bud she couldn't stick around for the basketball portion of the banquet, she wasn't feeling well. I want you to know we are both very proud of you, you're an amazing athlete, but an even greater son. I love you so much, and I promise you next year I really will be at every game. Front row seats, I promise. I even got a button, you see?"

"Yes dad I see. Thank you Pop's. I love you." Alex pulled me into a bear hug, and lifted me up off the ground. _I was a lucky guy today._

**Clare's POV**

I sat in the car waiting for Eli to come outside from the banquet, but he was taking too long. My cramps were becoming worse by the second, I had never been in so much pain before, I had to find Eli. I opened the door to the car and started to walk through the dark parking lot. I made it a few feet from the car when a sharp pain stuck me. I fell to my knees and clutched my stomach, this couldn't be happening. I needed my baby to be safe, If I lost another child I wouldn't be able to survive it. I was curled up on the parking lot floor in pain, and I could feel blood trickling down my thigh. "Somebody Help me! Please, please, not my baby!" As I wiped tears from my face I began to hear Eli's voice, he was talking to another parent about Alex and the banquet. My voice was low and I was barley able to utter a sentence, but I tried to scream again hoping Eli was close enough to hear me now. "Eli! Help me! The baby!" I heard his foot steps become louder and faster, he was running. He heard me.

"Clare! Clare! What happened! Baby, baby, are you ok? Oh my God Clare you're bleeding, what do I do!" Eli picked me up off the ground and carried me to the back seat of Morty II.

"Eli I'm bleeding very bad, you need to go to the hospital NOW." Eli nodded and jumped in the front seat, turning the car on.

"How long have you been like this Clare?" Eli's voice was loud, and panicked.

"Only about 10 minutes." I was moaning and sobbing.

"Clare, you're going to be fine. I promise you. Don't worry ok, we'll be at the hospital before you know it. I love you." Eli looked back at me a smiled, he was trying to comfort me, but I could see in his eyes he was just as worried as I was.

"Eli, listen to me please. I feel like I'm going to pass out, and I'm losing a lot of blood. If I'm unconscious at any point, and it comes down to a choice, save her. Save Paris."

"Clare don't say that, don't you dare. We have just started to put everything back together after losing Julia, we've been happy. You can't go anywhere on me now, not you or Paris. Just hold on ok, look we're here Clare, we're at the hospital. Clare? Clare!"

**Eli's POV**

I turned around to look at Clare in the backseat, and she was unconscious. I parked the car, and ran to back seat and picked her up. I began to run, the fastest I've ever ran in my life. I ran through the front doors of the emergency room screaming for help, and nurses started to come from all different angles. They tore her from my arms, and laid her on a stretcher. They began to wheel her away, when I began to follow one of the nurses stopped me.

"Sir we need you to stay here in the waiting room, the doctors need to exam and treat her immediately. Your wife is in serious condition, we will come to you as soon as we know anything more."

"I can't just sit here!" My eyes were wide with rage, and the nurse took a step back in fear.

"Sir I'm sorry, you have to." The nurse began to walk away from me.

"Ma'am wait please!" She turned around to look at me. "My wife told me that if it comes down to it, save our baby. Just save the baby for her, please." The nurse nodded her head with her mouth in a line, and turned the corner. I couldn't believe I had just said that, I wanted to respect Clare's wishes, but I couldn't live without her. It took so much not to beg them to save Clare, no matter what. I sat down on one of the waiting room chairs, and I put my head in my hands. Life isn't supposed to be like this, it shouldn't be this hard. I could survive pretty much anything, but losing Clare I couldn't. I could not pull myself together this time if I lost her. When you lose your everything, what is there left to live for? I felt my phone vibrate and pulled it out of my pocket, it was Alex. I answered it.

"Hello son."

"Where the hell are you guy's, I'm home."

I took a deep breath and wiped a tear from my face. "Son, your mom is in the hospital. There's some problems with the baby, I'll call you as soon as I find more out."

"No, I'm coming over there now."

"Alex I said no, you need to stay home. I cant even see her right now. Just stay home please." I was serious, and he could tell.

"Ok Dad. I love you, please tell mom I love her too. So much." I hung up the phone and began to sob, I only hoped I would be able to tell Clare that. After an hour of crying in the waiting room chair a doctor appeared in front of me.

"Mr. Goldsworthy?"

I Stood up. "Yes sir, that's me. Is my wife ok?"

"Your wife's placenta detached from the uterus, which is caused due to a placenta abruption. This is always a risk for both mother and child because of the significant loss of blood. Your wife's condition is serious enough that we need to deliver the baby now by a Caesarean Section, but not serious enough to where we have to save either child, or mother. They will both be fine, your wife is awake right now waiting to be prepped for delivery. We had to give her blood, she lost quite a bit for a pregnant women."

"Thank you so much doctor. Can I see her? I want to be there when the baby is delivered."

"Of course. Follow me this way Mr. Goldsworthy." I followed the doctor to an elevator, and the whole way up I prayed to God. I thanked him for protecting Clare, and I apologized for every time I said he wasn't real, that he was a joke. I complained so much every time something bad happened, but I never appreciated the good things in my life. In that moment that the doctor told me Clare and Paris were going to be ok, I knew there was a God. There had to be. There had to be someone, watching over and protecting Clare and the baby. Before Julia died she changed her mind about a higher power, maybe it was time I did the same before it became too late. _Today, I was a lucky guy._

_**"**You are what I believe, I'll live and Die for you. This is all that I need, when nothing is real you are my truth. In the darkness you shine, can you keep me safe __tonight? When I'm down on my knees, you are what I believe."** -**_ Skillet What I Believe

**SO, I totally have big plans for this story right now. I hope you all are enjoying :) I haven't said it in a while, but I don't own Degrassi. Anyways I love you guys so much, please review and Junk. It makes me happy, and update faster. thanksomuch, luv always Rie xoxoxox**


	18. Chapter 18

**Eli's POV**

"Clare." She was laying on the hospital bed with a smile on her face, and tears in her eyes. It was the most beautiful she had ever looked.

"Are you ready to have this baby Eli?" I grabbed her hand and kissed it.

"I have never been more ready for anything Clare."

"You look good in scrubs Mr. Goldsworthy." I smiled at her and wiped the tears from her eyes.

In the blink of an eye the doctor said it's time, and behind a curtain I held Clare's hand. They began to cut Clare open, and I don't think she had a clue. She kept smiling at me, with a scared expression on her face as if she was anticipating the cut. The doctor pulled Paris out and she began to cry, Clare's eyes widened.

"Yes. She's here Clare. Our baby's here, and she's perfect." I kissed Clare while wiping the tears from her eyes. The Doctor asked me to come around and cut the cord, and with shaky hands I did. They placed the baby in Clare's arms and everything else was a blur, until I realized I was sitting in a hospital room holding an actual baby swaddled in a pink Blanket. Was this really real? After everything did I really deserve this gift?

"Eli, let me hold her. You've been hogging her for hours."

"I can't Clare, she's so beautiful. Besides you need to rest, we're not going to be getting any sleep pretty soon here."

"You're right, I'll sleep for a couple of hours. When I wake up though, you better hand her over Elijah."

Clare gave me a knowing look, and I nodded my head in agreement. Within seconds she was out, and It was just Paris and I. The feeling of holding her was so familiar, it was like I was holding Julia again. I would never be able to hold Julia again, kiss her, or hear her voice, it was all gone. Forever. What I did have was Paris. Looking into her beautiful eyes I could see hope, I could see a future. So much pain was erased from my heart when I looked into her eyes. I was so afraid I'd feel guilt, but I didn't. I knew in that quiet moment in the hospital room Julia had a hand on my shoulder, and her head was leaning against mine. Without a shadow of a doubt I knew Julia was smiling, and that she once again was proud of me for being a good father.

"So, she's here?"

I looked up to see Blake standing in the doorway with a half smile on his face, and balloons in his hands. "Blake, come in. I wasn't expecting this. How are you? Please, sit down." Blake shut the door behind him, set the balloons down on the counter by Clare's bed, and then sat down on one of the hospital chairs. I sat there staring at him for a moment, he didn't say a word. "Is everything ok? Did you want to hold her?" He looked at me intensely for another minute, I couldn't read the expression on his face. It was like he was deciding what to say, when all of a sudden he began to cry.

"Sir, I'm sorry. I tried so hard, so god damn hard. I told myself to come in here for Julia, to hold her baby sister for her because she can't. I told myself that Julia would want me to make sure you and Clare were good, and I told myself that Julia would want me to be strong, but I cant be. I cant because she cant do any of this herself, because she will never get to hold that baby, and that baby will never know Julia Goldsworthy." I sat up and set Paris down in the little baby thing, I never could figure out what those were called, and knelt down in front of Blake.

"She's here, I believe that whole heartedly. There is no doubt in my mind that she's all around us, and she's so proud that you came here today. There is no shame in showing tears, I shed them every other day. I know living a life without Julia Goldsworthy is almost impossible, but you have to do it. Her biggest wish was that we move on and that we be happy, for her we have to do it."

"No, I cant. Every day I do what she told me to do, I focus on football. Every time a ball comes my way, I miss the catch because I'm so busy thinking about her. I keep thinking about how next season is going to be pointless because she's not going to be sitting in the stands awkwardly clapping, in her favorite black chucks. I keep thinking about how everything is going to be pointless because she's not going to be there for any of it." I put my arms around him, and he balled on my shoulder.

"The pain wont ever go away son, and every time I look at Alex, or Paris, I'm going to think of their sister, and I'll be reminded of her absence. But I will also look at them and know that I have to keep on going for them. You have to find a reason to keep on going. Sometimes I swear It feels like she's not gone, It's a hard thing to accept Blake, but we have no choice." Blake lifted his head from my shoulder to speak when there was a knock at the door. "I'm sorry Blake, it's probably Alex."

"No, no. It's ok, we can talk about this later."

I patted his back, and stood up. "Of course." I walked over to the door, and opened it. My heart skipped a beat, my legs became shaky, and I fell backwards onto my ass. The girl standing in front of me had a hospital gown on, and Julia's favorite black chuck's. This girl, this person, wore Julia's face. This girl, this person, stood in front of me crying with the same cry face that Julia had. Who was this person, who was this girl?

Supppppa short. I felt this is where this chapter needed to end. Sorry for the Cliff Hanger, let me know your thoughts :)

**Prisca-** Thank you so much, I'm sorry it took me a little while! You're the reason I updated today, I couldn't let you wait any longer.

**Caitlin-** You give my fuzzy's with your compliments. Thanks :)

**Tracey-** I'm sorry you cried, but I am glad you felt some type of emotion.


	19. Chapter 19

**It's 5 in the morning. My brain is shooting out crazy thoughts and Idea's right now. I warn you, my Imagination has gone wild. Ahh, but isn't that the beauty of writing? You can make things what ever you want them to be, and how ever you want them to be :-)**

**Eli's POV**

Blake ran to my aid and pulled me up, I couldn't look away from her face. It was Julia's face, there was no denying it. How could this be, how could any of this be? Someone had to be pulling a practical joke on me, this made no sense. Blake was holding on to me tight, I could feel him shaking. The girl in front of us took a step forward, and Blake and I simultaneously took one back. She took another one forward and her face was inches from mine, I couldn't question anything, I couldn't speak. She brought her hand to my face and cupped my cheek, her touch was cold and it sent shivers through out my body. It was a familiar electricity, it was impossible. Blake let go of my arm and stepped back, I could hear his breathing starting to become loud, and uneven. I had to say something, I had to figure this insanity out. I grabbed her wrist and pulled it gently away from my face, without ever letting go of it.

"Who. Who are you? Why do you look like my daughter? I don't understand. If this a joke please, please tell me now. Please don't go any further with this cruelty." It was like all the work I had done to get over Julia's death was gone. It was erased as soon as I saw those eyes, they were her eyes. As impossible as all of this was, they looked just like Julia's eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again, almost as to rethink what she was going to say.

"I am Julia. I am alive, I have always been alive. I don't want to talk about any of this here, please. Mom can't handle this right now, she just had a baby. You and Blake take me someone private so I can explain, please."

I was outraged, I was disgusted. Mom? Clare was not her mom, this could not be Julia. "Listen bitch, this isn't funny anymore and we aren't going to follow you anywhere. Who the hell put you up to this, and who the hell is your sick plastic surgeon? How do you know Blake's name? My daughter is dead! I held her when she died, and saw her in her casket! I want answers here and now, we aren't going anywhere with you!" The girls face twisted in pain and she was going to speak again when Blake interrupted her.

"I'll talk to you in private." He took a step closer, and stared into her eyes for a moment before speaking again. "I don't know what this is, but I can't call the police, or send you away when you're wearing that face. I need to hear your explanation. Eli, please we have to get to the bottom of this." Blake looked at me with pleading eyes, and I couldn't deny him.

I hesitantly agreed, "We will take you to my house, but only so I can understand exactly what to tell the police when I tell them about the women impersonating my dead daughter." My voice was rigid, and my jaw was clenched. I pulled her out of the hospital room, and all the way down to the parking garage. No one spoke, no one made a sound. The drive was short, and the atmosphere tense. When we pulled up to my house I didn't hesitate, I pulled her inside, with Blake following and locked the door. "Speak."

"Dad, it's me! I'm Julia! I didn't die, no one died! It was an imposter! As soon as Blake left my room to go get you a man with a mask walked in with a very sick girl, and a women Doctor. The girl looked exactly like me, there was no explanation. I asked them what was going on, and the man pulled out a gun. He made me answer a few questions, and then there was a bag over my head. Dad, I had no energy to fight him off. I was sick. It all went black, and then I woke up in some kind of laboratory. The doctor women was next to me writing on a clipboard, and at the end of my bed was Drew dad!"

"This is some Bull shit, this isn't making any sense. This is crazy, so what Drew took you into a lab, and then what? A magical fairy who looked just like you died in my arms? Fuck this, and fuck you!" The girl in front of me was crying and I felt a twang of guilt in my chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is just not adding up, I just can't understand this. I didn't mean to lose my temper, sometimes that happens. Please go on."

"I know it happens, because I know you're bi polar, I know that before I was sick you didn't want me to be with Blake. I know that you and mom were having a baby girl, I know mom is a teacher, I know so many things that will prove I'm Julia. I know that you're confused but please listen. When Alex and I were born, you held us both and then the nurses quickly took us away to clean us off, like normal nurses do. You thought the birth was over so you ran down to the gift shop where grandma Edwards was to grab the video camera from her correct?"

"Yes, I did." My eyes were widening, how could she know these things.

"When you left there was a third baby born, mom gave birth to our triplet. I know what you're going to say, we had an ultrasound. Before you question that, remember who your doctor was. Her name was Bianca Torres, wasn't it? Bianca drugged mom, which is why she has no memory of this third birth. When you came back mom was sleeping, and Bianca said it was normal right? Bianca stole your baby, and all these years she has kept her in a lab beneath Drew's house without his knowledge!" She was practically screaming, and her hands were shaking.

"If this is true, then why? Why did they do this? Why did I feel whoever was in my arms die, and how did she know about dancing on my feet? Who was in that casket! I don't understand!" This girl was handling my craziness almost like she was used to it, this couldn't be her, could it?

"When they came into my hospital room with the gun the questions they wanted to know were about my child hood, and other personal questions. The girl, my sister, was very sick. She was deprived of food and water, and Bianca had given her a drug that would eventually slow her breathing and knock her out. I have no doubt you were hysteric over my dying and that you didn't examine me to make sure I was gone. Why would you have any reason to question it?"

"You're right, as soon as you said you were going to go, I was hysterical. I ran to find the doctor, and when I couldn't find him Bianca was there. She said she'd take care of the formalities, and page your regular doctor. I had never been in that situation before, I didn't know what was normal, and what wasn't. The next thing I knew you were dead in a casket, explain that to me? Explain that!"

"Drew and Bianca knew I was sick, they knew It wasn't looking good for me, they had an exact replica of me, my sister. So it was easy to have someone make a dummy after her image. Bianca is a doctor with tons of resources, and knowledge when it comes to things like this. Dead bodies don't look life like and they are supposed to look somewhat fake. They are supposed to be cold and hard. So why would you question if I looked a little different? And now "why", you're wondering why they would do any of this. As you know Bianca and Drew haven't been together for years, the reason was because of mom. It was because he couldn't let go of her, it ate him away so much that he became obsessed with getting her back. Bianca hated mom for it, but she loved Drew. So Bianca stole the baby, and she raised it in an attic for 15 years waiting for the moment to use her to destroy mom. Like I said before, Drew didn't know about Bianca stealing the baby until I was sick. When Bianca found out I was sick she hatched this whole plan, and Drew was so desperate to have mom after you beat him up that he would have done anything to separate you two. Bianca got her revenge, and Drew would get mom. It worked for a while. Mom was living with Drew, and he thought he had finally won her over. Bianca got to steal mom's daughters, and keep Drew. In exchange for her help he had to feed into her fantasy that the four of us were a family. It was all so sick and so twisted, Bianca treated me in her Lab. I beat the cancer, and I got stronger. When mom moved out of Drew's he went crazy, he came down into the laboratory screaming at Bianca because her plan didn't work. They were fighting so bad they weren't even paying attention to me. My sister was tied to a bed, but I was free. In Drew's anger he had been sloppy, leaving the door between the lab and the house open. I ran, I ran so fast. I wanted to save my sister but I didn't know If I'd ever have another opportunity to escape. I promised myself I'd explain to you what happened and that I'd save her. Daddy I know, I know this is all crazy and there are confusing parts to this but it's the truth. This is all I know, this is all Drew and Bianca have explained to me. They are crazy!" Julia turned her attention to Blake when he made a loud sobbing noise. Blake was on his knee's with his head in his hands crying, Julia knelt beside him and he looked up. "Blake I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry your parents have done this. I love you Blake Torres and you deserve so much better, we can get through this together. I know It's crazy, and hell maybe you have a new girlfriend bu-" Blake grabbed her face and kissed her, and almost like instinct I kicked him to stop it. He looked up at me and chuckled.

"Mr. Goldsworthy, I believe her. This is her. Julia I'm the sorry one, I'm sorry my parents have done this. I cant begin to describe the disgust I'm feeling inside about all of this, but despite it all I'm so glad. I'm glad this all happened and that you didn't really die, I was so lost baby, I was so lost. There wasn't a single day I could go without feeling like I was slowly dying without you." Julia kissed him on the cheek, and stood up walking in front of me.

"Dad, please tell me you believe me. Tell me that even though this sounds crazy, that looking in my eyes you can see that it's me. Tell me that you know that I'm your little girl, there isn't time to waist we have to save Emma. We have to get her out of there."

"Emma?" My face dropped a little, did I really have a baby out there that I didn't raise. Did my little girl really grow up in a Lab without her family?

"Yes dad, her name is Emma Grace. She's amazing, and she need's us. Tell me you believe me." There was so much hope in her eyes, she had that look in her eyes when she knew daddy would fix everything. Maybe I knew the whole time, maybe I knew the moment I saw her at the hospital that it was her. There was no way I could deny those eyes, or the way that she was worried about everyone else but herself. I knew my daughter, and in a crazy twist of fucked up fate she was alive. She was standing in front of me, and I couldn't deny it any longer. It was as if the hole in my chest had never been there, Julia Anne was back. I grabbed her in my arms, and I pulled her to my chest as tight as I could. "Baby I believe you, I love you. I'm so sorry, are you ok. I wont ever let you go again, not ever. I promise. When you were gone I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do anything. I'm so happy you're back, your mother is going to have a heart attack. I promise we will get your sister out of there, and I will make sure they pay for everything they have done. Daddy will take care of everything." I was uncontrollably sobbing, this was crazy. I sent Blake back to the hospital to watch Clare, I didn't want Drew or Bianca trying to harm her or the baby. I also thought it was best that he explain the situation to her before I walked in with two Julia's. I got Julia changed into some of her old clothes, and we headed to Drew's. I had no Idea what I was going to do, I just hoped I wouldn't kill him. When we reached his house I made Julia stay in the car, she had seen enough.

"Dad, be gentle with Emma. I wasn't aloud to talk to her too much, so I couldn't explain a lot of things to her. She doesn't know that you're our father. She thinks Bianca is our mom, and that Drew is our dad. She thinks that she had to pretend to be me that day so that Bianca could get me back from you. She thinks you are the kidnapper."

I gave Julia a thoughtful look. "Thank you bud, I'll get your sister back safely I promise."

**Drew's POV**

I was crazy, I finally lost it. I not only hurt the love of my life, but I hurt my son. When he finds out my part in this whole mess, he's going to hate me. I don't blame him, I hate myself. I'm fucked up, I Know that. What choice did I have though, Eli wouldn't let Clare go. And it wasn't as if I stole Emma, Bianca did that. I only kidnapped Julia with the help of my Ex doctor wife, and faked her death. Who was I kidding. Hell was going to freeze over before Clare or my son would ever understand that I only did any of this so that we could all be a family. I never planned on any of this blowing up this way, and now Julia had escaped. I was going to be caught, and sent away. I'm not a bad man, I'm just a desperate fool. It was all Bianca, she made me think this was my only option. I should of gone to the police the moment she told me she had stolen Clare's baby all those years ago, but again I'm a fool.

"What the fuck drew? Why are you sitting there like a pussy, grow some ball's and help me figure this situation out. This isn't just my mess, it's yours too."

"I don't care Bianca, I just don't care. I'm glad Julia got away, I deserve this. I'm crazy to have gone along with this plan. Hurting Clare and our son like this isn't worth it, and especially feeding into your sick fantasy that these girls were ours, or that I could ever love you again. This is all bull shit!"

"Drew don't say that! You love me, we love each other! We can find Julia, and then we can all be a family again you'll see. Then maybe one day we can have Alex join our family, everything will be fine we just have to find Julia before she tells on us. Let's go, come on Drew." She was tugging on my arms trying to lead me to the door.

"NO! Bianca stealing Clare's kids is not going to make you her, you will never be her! Not in a million years, do you understand! Clare would never do what you have done!"

"Fuck you, this is why Clare hate's you! Eli would never have done this either Drew. I'm not her, and you're not him. We are just us, and we should have always been together!"

"No Bianca, I don't even know you anymore. Do you not have an ounce of guilt in your tiny little black soul about what we have done? I know you left me alone to raise him all those years, but do you at least remember we have our own son, do you feel any guilt about the neglect he has suffered because of us! We are monsters, we have to turn our self's in B."

"No! I wont, I cant give up! I've spent 15 years trying to make you love me again, this plan can still work! We can still be together Drew!" Bianca was wild, destroying everything in the lab. I grabbed her arms, and pulled her to the ground. She was screaming into my chest and her body was shaking. For the first time in so many years I felt a need to protect her.

"B I'm sorry, but you're sick. You're very sick. I can get you help, I can explain to them that you're sick."

"Why! You hate me! I had to steal two people just so you would pretend to still love me!"

"Bianca, I will always love you! You're the mother of my son. You used to have such a fire in your eyes, and you used to love our son. When he was a baby you were such a good mother, but you began to change B. I don't know if it was the secret baby you were hiding, or the neglect I was showing you because of my obsession with Clare, but either way you spin it, it's my fault! I'm so sorry B, forgive me. I'll fix this all I promise, We'll both get the help we need." Bianca didn't say a word, she kept screaming and shaking in my lap, what have I done to this poor women? I loved her once, and I made her crazy, along with myself. While trying to calm Bianca, Eli Goldsworthy walked in front of me.

"How sad and pathetic, you two are sick bastards. You know you're caught, so now you want to cry? Now you're scared and sad?" Eli laughed the menacing laugh I always hated.

"Eli, listen I know the damage that we've done and there is no excuse, but I was never going to hurt Julia. Bianca is sick, she didn't know any better please understand."

"Shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear any of this! You are a both sick bastards and I hope you rot in hell! Cry Bianca, cry! Because I have cried every day without my daughter, and you stole my other one! Where is she!"

"She's in the back room through that door, she's fine! I promise, when I found out about her I made Bianca start taking better care of her. I know I'm going to do time, but please Bianca needs psychiatric help Eli!" Eli pushed Bianca out of my lap and she lay on the floor limp with a blank stare in her eyes. She had no awareness of anything going on around us, she was lost. Eli picked me up by the collar, and pinned me to the wall.

"Don't ever fucking ask me for anything again, I swear if you ever so much as look at my children again I will kill you." Eli punched me, and I let him. I deserved all of this, and so much more. I was disgusted with myself. As I lay on the floor next to Bianca I breathed a sigh of relief that at least now, It was over.

**Eli's POV**

I walked slowly away from Drew through the door to Emma, she looked scared. I knelt down hesitantly to untie her from the bed. She looked Just like Julia, the only difference was a small mole on her right wrist, it was the same mole I had on mine in the exact same spot.

"Don't be scared Emma Grace, I'm here to take you home."

"Home? I cant go home with you, you stole Julia! Mother is going to punish me if you take me, please just go away!" She was panicking and shaking.

My heart was breaking, she was so confused. So sheltered from reality. "Emma she is not your mother, your mother is a beautiful woman with short curly hair and blue eyes, just like you. That woman in there is a kidnaping whore." She blinked very confusingly at me, and she turned her head side ways as if to exam me.

"Last time I saw you, I was pretty drugged up. Things were fuzzy. You look different."

"I look like you don't I Emma, can't you see the resemblance? I'm telling you the truth, please come with me. These people are bad people, I'm not. Look you're untied, you're free to leave this room with me. You just have to trust me, I'm your dad Emma."

She looked in my eyes for a moment before putting her wrist beside mine. "I remember looking at this in the hospital, I thought it was strange that we both had this in the same spot. At the time though, I was focusing on pretending to die, and be someone else." Emma looked away from me with shame filled eyes.

"Yeah, you did a good job at that. You were very convincing, you sounded, and acted just like Julia. I guess since your triplets, it makes sense. It's not your fault though Emma, they forced you to do it."

"Triplets?" Emma's eyes became wide.

"Yes, you have a brother named Alex. You can't meet him unless you come with me, please. Your sister has called the cops by now, I'd like to get you out of here before they show up. You can give your statement another time, I want you to meet your family. All you have to do is take my hand." She blinked and a tear fell from her eye, she put her hand in mine and after 16 years, I had my daughter back.


	20. Chapter 20

**Eli's POV**

In my rear view mirror I could see blue and red flashing lights, they were finally going to take Drew out of my life for good. That should have made me feel better, but it didn't. Sitting beside me was a scared girl, my little girl. She sat as close to the door as she could, and as far away from me as possible. I needed her to know that I wasn't her enemy, that's she was mine, and I'd never let anyone hurt her again. I pulled over on the side of the road, and she looked at me with scared and confused eyes. Julia was in the back seat asleep, and even though I had missed her more than anything, I was glad that I had a moment alone to talk to Emma.

"Emma." I hesitated before going on, I had to be sure I was speaking from my heart. I needed her to know how I truly felt, what I truly wanted. "Please, don't be scared of me. I want to take you to meet your family, but if this is too much too soon, you don't have to. I never want you to do anything you don't want to do again." I looked to her for some kind of response, but she still looked at me with those sad blank eyes. "Emma, do you know that I love you? If you don't,_ I do_. I love you just as much as your brother and sister, because you're apart of me, apart of your mother. She carried all three of you, and I'd sing to all three of you at night. We couldn't see the babies inside of her, we just loved you guy's because you were our kids. Not one of you was more special than the other. That still applies. I didn't choose to lose you, It will torture me forever that I didn't protect the children I swore to always take care of. If I had known that you were taken from us, I swear on everything that I would have searched the ends of the earth to find you. As a father I feel a deep pain and sadness that you've had to go through this, please let me fix the wrong Bianca and Drew have done to our family. You are Emma Grace Goldsworthy, the daughter of Clare and Eli Goldsworthy. You are ours, if you want to be."

Emma looked at me, still with a blank stare, but to my relief she finally spoke, "My mother. Her name is Clare?"

I smiled at her, and my heart fluttered, "Yes. She's beautiful, smart, and an amazing mother. You have her eyes Emma, and your mannerisms duplicate hers. It's amazing, you're a miracle. Your mom is going to be very shocked, but she will be so happy."

"Are we going to your home Eli?" Hearing her call me that was like having someone run a knife down my back, I would always have a scar from it. I didn't want to make her feel bad, so I hid the hurt. It wasn't her fault, she didn't know me yet.

"No, mom is at the hospital. She had a baby, her name is Paris." There wasn't any emotion on Emma's face, she simply nodded. No matter what I said, she seemed to be distant. "Emma, I'm serious. We don't have to do this right now."

She stared at me for a second, and then her eyes finally softened, "I want to. Please keep driving."

I didn't hesitate, I began to drive. It was a silent ride, but it was a happy one. It was happy for me. I felt like everything was going to be truly ok for the first time in so long. I pulled up to the hospital, and Julia was still asleep. I went to wake her up, and the sight of her took my breath away.

"Julia, wake up." She opened her eye's and smiled wide. "You don't know how good it is to see that smile baby, I love you."

"I love you too dad." Julia's smile started to evaporate as she got out of the car.

"What's wrong?" My heart was pounding.

Julia turned around to look at me, with tears in her eyes. "Mom, she's finally happy again right? So why should I go in to her hospital room, ruin everything, and make it complicated. Maybe she's better off without me." She reminded me of Clare when she would get angry and upset like that, I was glad to have her back.

"Julia don't ever say that, no one is better without you." I pulled Emma beside her, the resemblance was almost scary up close like that. "You two girls are my life, and your mom's. Do not be afraid of her reaction. Julia, I will never be able to explain to you what the absence of you did to our family, it tore us apart in every way imaginable. Your mother and I have lived with that pain every day, you _both_ coming back to us is going to heal our hearts. You are my brave girls, both of you. Let's go do this, we can do this. Together. Trust your old man." The girls looked at each other, then at me. They walked on either side of myself, and then linked arms with me. We were going to make it through.

**Blake's POV**

"Knock, Knock." I knew it was Eli with the girls. Clare had finally calmed down after I explained everything to her, but she had asked me if I could tell Eli to send them in separately. She told me she couldn't handle them both at once, I didn't understand it, but I obliged to her request. I walked out into the hall way and there the two girls stood, side by side. My breath caught, my knee's went weak, and my head was spinning. In that moment I knew why Clare needed to see them separate first. Seeing them together like that really knocked the breath out of you. I could barley breathe out my next sentence, "Mrs. Goldsworthy would like to see them both one at a time."

Eli look at me blankly, "I understand. Emma, let's go. You've waited long enough to meet her." Eli grabbed her hand, and they went in. He had taken her in first on purpose, he wanted to give me this time with Julia alone. It was a long way from where we first began. Yet I was ruining the opportunity, I stood there staring into her eyes, silent. I used to get lost in them and lose all track of time, nothing had changed. I didn't know how long I had been staring, It could have been hours for all I knew. Julia finally broke my trance, and spoke.

"Are you going to stand there all day and stare at me, or are you going to say something Blake Torres?"

"Do you hate me. Honestly and truly, do you?"

"No. How could you say that Blake?" Her voice cracked and I felt bad for asking the question, but I needed to know.

"My parents, my own flesh and blood did this to you." I put my head down, I'd never be able to get rid of that shame.

"They did it to you too, it isn't your fault. I love you Blake, I could never hate you." She stood in front of me trembling with tears down her face and I finally let myself realize that she was here, she was alive. I couldn't, I wouldn't, waste another moment. I walked towards her and pulled her into my arms. I felt her body relax, but her sobs became more intense. "Shhh, Julia it's ok. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I wont let anything happen to you ever again. I love you so much, so much." I began to cry with her.

"Blake...every second, every moment, all I did was think of you. I would dream that one day I'd get this chance to see you again, to hold you. When I last saw you we were saying our goodbye's, I thought that I was going to die. Here I am though, standing in front of you." Julia's voice cracked again, and I held on tighter.

"Not a second, not a moment was not occupied by the thought of holding you like this again. I love you Julia Anne."

Clare's POV

Eli stepped inside my room with a small framed girl, she was my daughter. She stood at the end of me bed, and no one said a word. The air was tense, and I knew they were both waiting for me to dictate how this meeting would proceed.

"Hello. My name is Clare, It's wonderful to meet you. You're beautiful." The girls eyes became soft, but she still looked confused. "You aren't Julia, I cant tell the difference between my children Emma Grace. Why don't you come over here so I can get a better look at you" Eli sat down in a chair, he had this nostalgic look on his face. He was hopeful. Emma walked beside me hesitantly. I wanted to spend this time in a happy way, just getting to know her. "You and your sister are cursed. Pull back your hair and you look just like that beast over there." I chuckled, and grabbed her hand. "Emma, I will not cry. I want to joke and laugh with you because I am so happy, you are making me _so_ incredibley happy. I'm sure your dad has informed you on how much you are loved, but I would like to tell you myself that I love you too. Momma loves you." Emma began to cry like a child, wiping her tears away with her sleeve. I wanted to keep her from crying, I wanted to make her feel happy and loved. I guess sometimes though, little girl's just need their mom. I pulled her close to me, and stroked her hair. "Hush now, I'm here. I'll always be here."

**Eli's POV**

That day was a whirlwhind of emotions, and surprises. I wont ever forget it, or the events that led up to it. When We all went home, Alex was waiting in his room as he was told to do. He embraced his sisters with such grace, I was never more proud of him and how strong he was being for them. We went through many challenges after that day, but we had many triumphs' as well. A year later Bianca was sent to a mental hospital, and Drew to prison for life. We all sat in the court room to hear the sentences, and support Blake. Bianca tried to write him many times, but he would not reply. She even sent letters to Emma, they all said "from mom." I never let Clare or Emma see them, I knew it would just ruin all they had built. Blake did on occasion write his dad back, I never asked what the letters were about. Blake loved his dad, even if he didn't deserve it. Eventually though, the letters began to mess with Blake's head. I made a secret visit to Drew, and to my surprise I wasn't angry when I saw him. I felt pitty, that someone who could have had what I have gave it all away. Drew agreed to stop sending Blake letters as long as I promised to take care of him like my own, that moment made pity him more because I could see in his eyes that he knew he had made a mistake. Drew knew he was missing out on a great kid. I had Blake move in with us, I of course watch him and Julia like a hawk. Alex and I spend a lot of time on his football activities, our relationship has never been better. I thought it would be so hard for Emma to get used to our family, but she fit in like a missing puzzle piece. She enjoys books, she didn't get to read a lot with Bianca. 1 year old Paris loves her big sister Emma, I believe Paris is a lot of the reason Emma came around, their bond is strong. Through it all Im ok with everything, because our family is stronger than ever. Every day I get to look at my beautiful wife, and say _we made it_. Through every obstacle, we made it. They say nothing last's forever. They say there are some things you just cant survive, but Clare and I survived the impossible. We survived it because we dare to challenge those who say we cant. No matter what comes are way, one thing will always remain, we are Forever.

"Eli? What have you been thinking about for the last two hours? You've been so deep in thought, you've barley listened to a word I have said!"

"Just the last 20 years. They've been great babe, thanks for being so amazing through everything. You've always stuck by me." Clare put her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.

"Forever Eli."

**THE END**

**I cant say I am satisfied, but I am always hard on myself. This story is my baby, my first one. I will always treasure it but it needed to end now, I'm ready to start something new. I'm even thinking about writing a few stories about something other than Degrassi...but don't hold your breath because the ending of Degrassi the Tv show has me in my feels right now. So expect more Eli/Clare stories for the moment. Anyways, thank you to everyone who viewed/reviewed. It meant the world to me, truly it did. Seeing your responses always made me smile. I hope that you will all check out my next story, it is yet to be titled. It's going to be at least 40 chapters, so be prepared. Look out for it sometime next week. I LOVE YOU GUYS and if you have any final farewell reviews for me I'd love to hear them :) **


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